Author: Paul R. Brian & Renée Shen
Every guy is different, that’s true.
But there are some trends that hold true for every man, and every human, really.
Once you’ve invested time and energy in someone, even if you breakup with them, it’s natural to miss them to some extent.
Unless, of course the relationship was toxic or you did something unforgivable that really hurt your ex.
In the aftermath of a breakup, men go through a grieving process of varying lengths.
But the question is when do guys start to miss you after a breakup?
First let’s look at the signs he’s really missing you. Then we’ll take a look at how quickly a man will start to feel bad for losing you.
Men almost always try to present a tough exterior after a breakup and act like they’re moving on with no scars.
Plus, some men don’t want to look too needy or low value - especially if they want you back!
Then there are the men who make it really obvious that they miss you.
Regardless of which type of guy your ex is, there are 11 signs that will show you if he’s missing you like crazy.
Let’s get into them!
This is undoubtedly the biggest and clearest sign that he is missing you.
Most guys don’t bother texting a woman they don’t like. It’s even more telling if he’s actually engaging in the conversations with you.
Even though he's not physically present, he finds a way to show that he's there.
So how do you tell for sure?
Pay particular attention to:
If he’s initiating and he’s responsive to you, these aren’t signs of someone who wants to be completely done with you.
He likely wants to feel that good feeling of you being by his side now that you’re gone, even if it means sacrificing his pride to reach out to you.
He’s definitely missing you.
Especially things like jewelry, watches, or clothes.
If your ex can’t let go of these things, then he not only misses you, he’s still deeply attached to you.
Basically, he misses you so much that he can’t let go of the mementos you got him.
I had an ex who would not remove the jewelry I purchased for him for a couple of years, even after dating a few new women post breakup.
It took a new partner screaming at him to get rid of these things before he begrudgingly removed them.
Sure enough, this ex ended up confessing to wanting me back eventually.
He’s constantly calling and making up some excuse to listen to your voice and make you hear his voice.
This often means that he misses you, but he is afraid to show it, because he does not know if the feeling is reciprocal.
For this reason, he’ll generally try to pretend he’s calling for a legitimate reason that has nothing to do with missing you.
So he’s found someone new, but he insists it’s only temporary, or that she’s just a friend with benefits.
If he’s going out of his way to make sure you know that he’s not serious with anyone new, then it’s one of the definite signs he misses you after the breakup.
He’s also probably holding on to what you guys had together in his heart, whilst trying desperately to move on with someone new.
He may think you’re the better catch and wants to take you back (if you’re open to it).
So if your ex boyfriend still misses you badly, then why would he be dating new people, then?
Another one of the big signs he’s missing you a lot is when he’s all over you on social media.
He’s watching your Instagram stories, liking your Facebook posts and watching your Whatsapp statuses religiously.
He may also post attention-seeking things as well.
If he’s been doing this, keep in mind that he probably knows it’s obvious.
But he either is too sad to care or he hopes you’ll see the attention he’s giving you and feel flattered or realize you still have feelings for him.
(Why is this important? It is because your core attachment style largely dictates and influences what happens in your relationship. Thus it’s imperative you understand your core attachment style!)
He talks about anything to you just so the conversation doesn’t come to an end.
He listens to your complaints and advises you, even if the subject is the choice of an outfit or a trivial thing he doesn’t normally care about.
When a guy misses you after a breakup, he’ll put up with almost anything just to hear your voice and feel a tiny bit closer to you.
Another of the top signs that he misses you after a breakup is when he makes excuses to bump into you.
If you still have feelings for him, this can be charming, but if you don’t or he goes too far it can basically be stalking.
If he’s showing up near your work or places he knows you’ll be, this is clearly the behavior of a man who’s going crazy with missing you.
Whenever the chance comes up, a man who’s missing you will tell his friends about you.
His emotions are going to come out sooner or later, and even if he’s shutting himself up at home, eventually he’s going to express some of his sadness and his friends will notice it.
In one way or another, the fact that he’s broken up over your break up is going to emerge.
If he’s pouring his heart out to his friends about your breakup, chances are he misses you very badly.
Did he always fix your phone or computer for you and is still happy to come over and fix it for you now?
That leaky tap he used to fix for you? Yeah, if he’s still happy to fix it for you now, it means he is still attached to you and likely feels the pangs of missing you.
Did he always help you with directions to get to places, and is now making sure you still call him if you need directions in the future?
Basically, whenever you need him, this guy is there ready to help you. His heart still holds you in it.
No matter what you need and when you need it, he seems to show up, message and make it clear he’ll do anything for you.
This is definitely the behavior of a man who still has strong feelings for you and wants to be a part of your life again.
Your ex may not want to look low value, so instead of pushing himself into your life very obviously, he might send a mutual friend or acquaintance to “investigate’ and suss out:
To work out whether your ex is actually doing this, you need to:
If your ex boyfriend (or husband) misses you, he will get jealous when:
And the reason he will get jealous is because he still wants you to himself.
We don’t get jealous unless we feel the need to guard something we see value in, or want to keep someone to ourselves.
So how will you know if he’s feeling jealous?
Let's be honest here, separation is difficult for both parties. It doesn't matter if he's the one who decided to break up or if it was you.
Most of the time, you both get hurt.
Depending on how serious and long your relationship was, a man will start to miss you quite badly.
Usually he starts missing you badly about two weeks after you break up, although the longing can begin a bit earlier or later.
Now we will go through some questions to help you determine when your ex will start missing you. These questions will help you work out the answer to the question: when do guys start to miss you after a breakup?
The more serious you guys were, the more quickly he will start to miss you. Being in a serious relationship doesn’t necessarily mean it was a long relationship, although it can mean that.
It more so means the amount of emotional interdependence that the two of you had together.
Did he rely on you for:
The more he relied on you in the relationship, the more quickly he’s going to miss you. He’ll feel the first pangs in the first few days if he depended on you a lot.
If he relied on you a lot, he’s likely to become a crying heap after about two weeks.
The truth is this:
In most cases the longer a relationship lasted, the more quickly a man will start to miss you.
This is because he will be more emotionally attached to you.
For example, if you've been in a relationship for three years, he may start missing you badly after two weeks.
However, if you were in a relationship for a few weeks, then he may not miss you very badly, at least not for a couple of months.
When do guys start to miss you after a breakup? Another big factor is the kind of relationship you had.
Were you two living together?
Or were you in a long-distance relationship?
Were you talking about an even more serious future together or just playing it by ear?
The kind of relationship you two have had can make a big difference in determining how long he takes to start missing you.
The more time you spent together, the faster he's going to miss you. That's because you were a central part of his life and he’s going to immediately notice your absence.
If you were together for a shorter time and the relationship hadn’t become very serious yet, he’s generally going to feel less sad and react much more slowly to the breakup.
Just because you had a relationship together, that doesn't mean he truly loved you.
And just because he loved you doesn’t mean it was intense, enduring and meaningful beyond that moment.
When do guys start to miss you after a breakup tracks very closely with how in love with you they were.
It generally corresponds to time together and how serious your relationship was, but it can also be a very personal thing for the guy.
If he was never that much in love with you, he’s going to take months to think much about you after the breakup.
If he was deeply in love with you, a week or two is going to be enough to reduce him to a wreck.
Although most people think attraction is the same as love, it definitely isn't.
A man can love you, but not be attracted to you. However, the more he is attracted to you, the sooner he will miss you - in a visceral and intimate way.
What few women realize is that some men probably never get to that point of being truly physically and romantically entranced by you, especially if you keep bothering him with calls and text messages.
The more highly attracted he was to you in the relationship, the more quickly he’ll start to miss you and the more poignantly he’ll crave having you around once again.
It’s hard to tell exactly how long it takes for an ex to miss you, but if you see some of the signs above then he definitely is.
There are cases where after a few hours or days he regrets what he has done and already begins to miss you, while other situations will take a few weeks or months.
Eventually a guy who liked you is going to miss you unless your whole time together meant nothing to him.
Men usually begin to regret a separation around 2 to 4 weeks. But remember that this varies from person to person.
It can take up to eight weeks for some guys to miss you because this is the amount of time it can take some men to really “deal” with what happened and face it.
Many men can distract themselves with life - and life gets very busy these days.
Most guys have to work a lot or prove themselves to be worthy, so that keeps them busy, and for some men, it can keep their emotions at bay.
Some guys are going to regret it the next day. Others may take up to two months to really process everything that went down and what it means to them.
Let's delve a bit more into what makes a man miss a woman after a breakup:
If the relationship ended badly or you cheated or did him wrong, it's likely he won't come back even if he misses you.
And even if he wants to get back together with you, it might not be advisable, because similar old issues are likely to come up.
However, if the separation was his fault or if outside influences caused the separation, he's likely to think about coming back to you.
The truth is, when a man realizes he's lost a good woman, he wants to make amends and get her back.
He'll at least think about wanting you back.
Well, that depends. There is not a single solid answer to that question.
It can depend a lot on how the separation went, what’s going on in his life and what he thinks about meeting someone new.
What makes a man not forget a woman immediately after a breakup is if
Paul R. Brian
Paul Rowan Brian is a freelance journalist, author and writer from Canada. He's written for Ideapod, Hack Spirit and Love Connection and is focused on culture, relationships and self-development. You can follow him on Twitter @paulrbrian.
Author & Editor For National Council for Research on Women. Founder of the popular women's dating & relationship advice website, The Feminine Woman.
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