Author: Paul R. Brian & Renée Shen
Sometimes you sit there crying because your ex is done with you and has moved on. Other times, you may feel like punching something….or someone.
If you still have feelings for your ex, there’s almost no worse sensation than knowing they no longer care about you.
But there are people who are professionals at pretending to be over someone.
And if you know what to look out for, you can catch the top lame signs your ex is pretending to be over you.
One of the biggest signs your ex is pretending to be over you is that they leave their belongings at your house and don't pick them up.
He or she may say they’re going to do so “very soon,” but that soon never seems to come.
This signals a huge difficulty in your ex closing this chapter.
Sometimes they will even pick up a few things, but leave others, because they want one last reason to come see you.
This kind of situation means a few things:
Rebound relationships are one of the top signs your ex is pretending to be over you.
Because people often enter rebound relationships to avoid grieving an extremely painful loss and to try to prove to the world that they’re over their ex.
…But if it’s truly a rebound relationship, they don’t work out long term.
Here are 14 definitive signs of a rebound relationship.
And you may also want to identify what stage of the rebound relationship your ex is in. Because it will tell you when you’ve got the best chance of getting your ex back (if you want your ex back).
Is your ex showing you pictures of their latest hookup over coffee?
They’re really trying to make you jealous, or perhaps your ex is testing you.
(I had an ex who did this…and wow. Just wow!)
If your ex tries too hard to show that he or she is over you by forcing pictures or information about their new hookups on you, it’s a classic sign that they’re pretending to be over you.
They may be disguising the sadness by going out and posting many photos just with the intention of making you jealous.
Or they may make sure that your BFF knows about their new love interest - because they know your BFF will tell you about it.
Your ex's chances of trying to make you jealous increase if you initiated the breakup.
They want to make you feel guilty and like you lost out on a great catch.
If you sense that your ex is trying to make you jealous, you’re probably right. And they probably think you deserve to see him or her with other potential love interests.
One of the most important signs your ex is pretending to be over you is that they’re always watching your stories and videos online.
Like, immediately after you post them.
This may be a sign that your ex is trying to maintain a connection with you. It’s definitely a sign they’re at least very curious about what you’re doing with your life, and they’re possibly not over you.
Research on college students who were rejected has shown that our relationships are a source of addiction, especially if we were - or are - in love. In one particular study, these college students admitted to still thinking about their ex 85% of the time!
When researchers showed them photos of their exes and subsequently took MRI scans of their brains, the results showed "neural activity in cortical and subcortical areas associated with craving and addiction."
Clearly this addiction doesn’t end with a breakup, even if the breakup was hard. Social media gives us easy access to satisfy our addictions and cravings.
Your ex might know logically that your relationship is over, but his or her brain is still addicted to the relationship and to stalking you on social media.
Also, if you’re blocked, pay attention to whether they briefly unblock and re-block you as well.
These are classic signs of an ex who’s not really over you.
(Why is this important? It is because your core attachment style largely dictates and influences what happens in your relationship. Thus it’s imperative you understand your core attachment style!)
Pretty obvious isn’t it?
If your ex seems to have strange or random reasons to text you and call you, it’s a sign that they just can't let go, and don’t want to.
As much as you may think your relationship is fully over and your ex is over you, if they keep trying to get in touch with you it’s a big sign that they’re still holding on.
Is he or she just looking to shoot the breeze?
Then why not do it with one of their buddies? What makes you special?
Probably the fact that they’re not actually over you in any real way.
Whether you're a friend or family member, they'll always find out how your life is going and who you're dating these days.
If they ask around about you, it’s probably more than idle curiosity.
It sounds a lot more like somebody who’s still in love with you and trying to play it cool.
This is so transparent, isn’t it? They can justify it as an old habit, but generally, people who end relationships without intending to go back to the person, get rid of the things that remind them of the relationship.
So if you see that your ex still wears clothes you got them or jewelry associated with the two of you, it’s one of the telltale signs your ex is pretending to be over you.
I mentioned earlier about blocking and unblocking being one of the classic signs your ex is pretending to be over you.
The reason this is so important is that it shows:
If your ex sends you multiple messages, tries to call you multiple times per week and blocks your contact the next, it's possible that they’re trying to understand and grapple with what they’re still feeling for you.
So much indecisiveness! But why?
Because their mind wants one thing and their heart wants another.
Notably, their head knows that the right thing to do is to block you, but their heart just can’t stick to it.
The soft spot they had for you….well maybe it’s still there, buried beneath the weight of their denial.
If your ex hasn't gotten over the breakup of your relationship, their friends will notice their strange behaviors and tell you about them.
This can include your ex:
Your ex might claim they have legitimate reasons for disapproving of your new partner(s), but who are they to disapprove in the first place, and why do they care?
If you have agreed to maintain a friendly relationship with your ex, be careful about their opinions regarding your new relationships.
That's because they can sabotage your new options just to keep you potentially open to taking them back.
Never assume they’re a neutral party!
Your ex may claim that he or she is done with relationships or marriage altogether and enjoying single life.
But perhaps what they’re really saying is that you were the one, and they can’t bring themselves to fill your place with someone new.
If it has been years since your breakup and you don't see your ex with other people, find out if they’re okay.
Sure, they may say they’re just fine, but be advised that your ex staying single for a really long time after your relationship is a red flag.
It’s one of the biggest signs your ex is pretending to be over you.
Social networks are usually the place where your ex is likely to show various signs that they aren’t over you yet.
Commonly, your ex may try to highlight how much they’re over you, writing things like:
“It hurts to break up, but it’s better than being with the wrong person,”
“Don’t force together parts that don’t fit.”
If your ex is posting this kind of thing a lot, it’s usually a clear sign that they’re not over you yet.
Instead, they think that by making these types of posts on social media, they are saving face and convincing the world that they’re over you.
8 Telltale Signs Your Ex Is Trying To Get Your Attention On Social Media.
This is one of the top signs your ex is pretending to be over you.
They always remember your birthday and other key dates and they don't miss reminding you of key dates you had together, either.
Your ex may have left some photos still on Facebook albums or Instagram as a small reminder of the relationship.
That's possibly your ex’s way of leaving the door open just a crack and inviting you to step back inside and restart the relationship.
This can be one of the most annoying (or even thrilling, if you will) signs your ex is pretending to be over you, but it happens quite a lot.
People have a harder time disguising how they feel when they're drunk.
If he or she drunk texts and drunk dials you a lot, you’re clearly weighing on their mind.
Research reveals that confession of emotion is one of the drivers of drunk dialing behaviour, driven by the reduced inhibition that comes with consuming too much alcohol.
Further reasons for drunk dialing an ex include:
Many people don't believe it, but one of the top things that an ex does when they’re not over you is try to bump into you.
They go to places you used to go, hang out at your favorite cafe and just “happen” to see you outside your workplace.
What a coincidence!
If he or she still insists on being your friend despite the relationship ending, it can mean that they still want to be with you.
If not now, then sometime in the future!
There are times when staying friends is just part of remaining on good terms, but in many cases it’s your ex trying to hope they still have a chance.
…But they’re super quick to look away when they realize you caught them out!
Just because you guys broke up, doesn’t mean they don’t still feel a little fascination for you. It could be the way you move, the way you speak or your new look.
Your ex could simply still love you, and therefore cannot stop looking at you.
If they still send you gifts, messages and advice, it’s one of the classic signs your ex is pretending to be over you.
If your ex is a guy, know this:
A guy who’s truly moved on doesn’t send you a birthday message, nor does he buy you a thoughtful gift that he came across on his trip to some exotic locale.
When he’s done, he’s done. And he just wouldn’t care enough to bother.
If he’s still sending you thoughtful gifts and interacting with you, then he’s not really over you. Yes, even if he has denied that he’s not over you.
First, remember that no one forgets a long term relationship that meant a lot to them.
Yes, your ex may be mad at you, they may be hurt, sad, whatever, but that doesn't mean that they’ve forgotten you, or that they’re truly over you.
In many cases they may be begging to the Gods to forget you, but just can’t. And the feelings are still there no matter how hard they try to keep you in the past.
So keep an eye on the signs in this article in order to determine if your ex is really over you or not.
If they’re really not over you, the ball is then in your court.
Paul R. Brian
Paul Rowan Brian is a freelance journalist, author and writer from Canada. He's written for Ideapod, Hack Spirit and Love Connection and is focused on culture, relationships and self-development. You can follow him on Twitter @paulrbrian.
Author & Editor For National Council for Research on Women. Founder of the popular women's dating & relationship advice website, The Feminine Woman.
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