Author: Paul R. Brian & Renée Shen
If you’re wondering what to text your ex after no contact, it can be difficult.
In fact, should you even text at all?
The answer is yes, but you have to go about it the right way.
After no contact and getting back in touch, many people make some common mistakes that sink their chances of ever truly getting together again.
Here’s a selection of texts that will get you going on the right path. You need to consider each one carefully, and choose which one would best suit your situation and your ex’s personality.
The important thing to remember is that if you want to get your ex back, you cannot afford to show up low value.
What does that mean?
It just means that you need to lead with value rather than taking value, and that really is the most important thing to remember here.
CLICK here to discover the 7 common signs that a woman is perceived as low value in the eyes of men in this special report. (Why is this important? Because men and women perceive value very differently and you don’t want to be making mistakes that would cause quality men to dismiss, abandon or alienate you.)
Table of Contents
As relationship coach Amy North explains, it’s best not to break no contact with a phone call or messaging via social media.
Instead, send your ex a text that doesn’t require a response but mentions an interest of his.
For example, you might mention that you heard there’s a great car show coming up and remember how much he always wanted a classic Cadillac.
You can be fairly specific here, but try to keep the messages fairly short.
“I heard about that classic car show next week. Looks like quite something. I remember how you always wanted that one car.”
It doesn’t require him to answer, but it puts you back in his mind and warms him up to the idea of hearing from you again.
The next text is about showing you’re sorry for what went wrong in your relationship.
Whether the split was your decision or his, this is a way of owning your share of it and showing good faith for reestablishing contact.
This text demonstrates that you feel bad and you’re willing to move past whatever was wrong in your relationship.
“Look, I’ve been thinking. I see now that a lot of how I acted when we were together wasn’t cool. I’m genuinely sorry about that and just wanted you to know that I still really care about you.”
He’ll be thinking and feeling a lot after receiving that one, believe me…
Another smart text to send if you’re wondering what to text your ex after no contact is to be mature and earn his respect and love by showing that you accept the breakup.
You don’t plead for another chance or re-litigate the past. You be as strong as you can about what went on with your relationship and show him that you have accepted it.
This is a powerful technique, because it shows that you’re not pressuring him at all and have truly accepted that things are over.
“I respect our decision not to continue the relationship. I still care about you! But I respect that the relationship wasn’t working out for you and we parted ways.”
This is a very special text that you can send your ex after no contact if he hasn’t responded to your previous message.
The text starts with and ends with .
It has zero words in it and you don’t even have to hit send.
Because it doesn’t exist.
Seriously…wait it out.
If he’s not answering do not under any circumstances keep popping off texts and trying to get his attention.
Never disempower yourself and put yourself in the groveling position.
Leave space for him to answer. And if he doesn’t, move on.
One of the best things to lead with when it comes to what to text your ex after no contact is to ask him:
“Hey, can you keep a secret?” [also insert wink emoji to increase the effect of your words]
Then, if and when he answers, read the text to make sure he sees that you’ve read it.
Then don’t answer.
When he asks again, don’t answer again.
Repeat until he gets so worked up that he eventually comes to see you in person and ask you what the secret is.
Don’t tell him easily, and deliver the “secret” with a kiss.
CLICK here to discover why you as a woman need to use the dark art of “High Value Banter” in order to quickly weed out the wrong types of men and create emotional attraction with the "BEST of MEN"! (...Even if no man has ever given you any love and all you've encountered so far are pen pals, ghosts, booty calls, and incredible duds!)
Don’t know what the dark feminine art of “High Value Banter” is? CLICK to find out.
Another great text to send your ex demonstrates that you’ve moved on with your life but still have feelings for them.
The point of this type of text is to show that they’re important enough to still pop up in your mind.
It also creates the chance of jealousy by making it vague whether you’re starting to date other guys.
“I thought about you the other night while I was out with some friends. The DJ was playing exactly the kind of music you love.”
He’ll definitely be wondering about who those “friends” are and just how close they are to you.
Another good text to send is just asking if he’s OK.
This shows concern, but also demonstrates that you are not trying to complain or grovel for a second chance.
You are just checking in on him.
Remember at the start of the article where we mentioned that the most important thing is to offer value rather than being low value?
Well, this type of text shows a caring attitude but also shows that you’re more worried about his wellbeing than you are about your own.
It’s both powerful and compassionate.
If your ex is involved in some projects or goals of his, this can be a great text to send.
Masculine men are more likely to perceive value being appreciated for their hard work, rather than just being complimented.
So what you are doing here is you are letting him know that you’ve been paying attention and are proud of what he’s accomplished.
One warning is not to make it so specific that it looks like you’ve been stalking his social media closely or anything.
Make it something that all your mutual friends and family know.
“Great work on winning that award for the film you made for your project! I saw it and it was awesome.”
The nostalgia text is also another great idea if you are thinking about what to text your ex after no contact. Nostalgia is a powerful emotion that you can play on!
This type of text basically gets him to think back to a particular time you were together.
Just as hypnotists anchor us in certain emotions and times to change our psychological reality, this gets your ex focused on you and the special times you had together.
“Remember that time we went to the strange bookstore downtown and you found that bizarre illustrated book about orangutangs? That was so hilarious. I still laugh about it sometimes.”
Another great idea is to send a message showing that you’ve humbled yourself enough to see what went wrong from all sides.
This is a humble text message in which you admit that you want your ex back but without being needy.
It could be something along the lines of this:
“I just wanted to tell you one more thing: I still care about you and remember the special times we had together.”
In general, neediness is a big turn off to high-quality men.
The thing about what to text your ex after no contact is that you have to be sparing in your volume.
Don’t flood his phone with a number of texts.
Send one or a maximum of two.
If he doesn’t answer, keep your hands away from your phone.
It can be tempting to sext your ex if you want to get him back.
The problem with this is simple:
Even if the guy responds in the short term out of desire, it will be much more likely to be a quick hook up or virtual session that goes nowhere for getting your relationship back.
Don’t play the cheap card out of desperation. Always remember your goal: to get the actual relationship back. Not to get cheap attention or easy sex which will just leave you feeling really lonely afterwards!
Do be clear in all your interactions with your ex.
It’s great to show emotion and be yourself, but avoid overuse of emojis or GIFs and adolescent memes.
Keep it fairly serious with some humor to show you’re not overthinking things.
Breakups hurt a lot, but you have the power to be positive and let him know that you care about him but are still moving on with your life.
Men love women who are especially strong and determined. This doesn’t mean that you’re not allowed to be vulnerable, it just means that it’s valuable for you to show that you’re capable of finding a good meaning in a painful situation and of picking yourself up when you’re down.
Being positive demonstrates that you’re not overly dependent on him, even though you care about him.
Be active and healthy in your own life.
Look after yourself and your emotional and physical health.
Avoid stalking him on social media and do not obsess if he doesn’t answer your messages.
If he’s ghosting you, he doesn’t deserve you.
As love coach Aaron Doughty explains, becoming unattached to the validation of others, including our exes, makes us extremely attractive.
Being willing to let it go is a powerful step forward.
This is for your own good as much as his.
Any chance of getting back together is just a bonus, not something you’ll stake your happiness on.
At the same time as you’re letting your attachment go, be open to meeting someone new.
Maybe your ex will respond well, but maybe not.
“How much did I actually like them in the first place?"
Not how much you were attracted to them or infatuated with them, but how much did you legitimately enjoy their company?
Has their absence left a friendship void in your life? Make sure they're worth any emotional work that might come with getting back in communication.”
You deserve to be happy and satisfied in your relationships, including your relationship with yourself.
Let love flow.
Paul R. Brian
Paul Rowan Brian is a freelance journalist, author and writer from Canada. He's written for Ideapod, Hack Spirit and Love Connection and is focused on culture, relationships and self-development. You can follow him on Twitter @paulrbrian.
Author and Editor For National Council for Research on Women. Founder of The popular women's dating and relationship website, The Feminine Woman.
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