Should I text him? It’s a nerve-wracking question when you’re dating.
Texting can be anxiety-inducing, especially when it comes to guys, who often communicate differently to us women.
On one hand, texting can be a convenient way to stay in touch and keep the connection going with him.
On the other hand, it can be nerve-wracking to hit send and wonder if you’ll get a response or not.
MORE: How Do Guys Text When They Like You? 15 Insights.
The truth is, there’s no one-size-fits-all answer to the question of whether you should text him or not.
It depends on a variety of factors, such as:
- Your relationship status
- The nature of your connection, and
- Your personal communication style
Some women feel comfortable taking the lead and texting first, while others prefer to wait for the man to initiate contact.
Either is ok, it just depends on your unique situation and relationship.
Regardless of your approach, there are some general guidelines you can follow to make sure your texting game is on point.
Table of Contents
Should I Text Him?
When it comes to texting a guy, it can be hard to know what the right move is.
You don’t want to come off as too eager or manipulative, but you also don’t want to miss out on the chance to connect with him.
So, should you text him? The answer is: it depends.
The decision on whether or not to text a man should be based on the context of your relationship with him and on what you want to text him for.
If you just met him and want to get to know him better, it’s okay to send a message to keep the ball rolling.
However, if he hasn’t replied to your previous messages or has ghosted you before, it might be best to put your phone down and give him some space. He’ll text if he wants to.
It’s also important to consider the situation and timing.
Sending drunk texts, angry messages, or texting in the middle of the night can be a turnoff and may damage your relationship.
Similarly, bombarding him with too many messages can come off as annoying and desperate.
Following some texting rules can also help you avoid all the effort of trying to decide. Remaining in a constant state of indecisiveness is exhausting and frustrating.
But keep in mind that just because I say they’re rules, doesn’t mean they’re hard and fast rules. They can be flexible depending on your unique situation.
Two basic principles to start you off:
- Don’t double-text if he hasn’t replied yet, and
- Don’t send messages just to get attention.
Instead, focus on building a genuine conversation and showing interest in what he has to say.
What are you trying to get out of texting him?
When you’re considering whether or not to text a guy, it’s important to think about what you’re hoping to achieve.
Are you looking to start a conversation, get to know him better, or just let him know you’re thinking about him?
Understanding your motivations can help you make a more informed decision about whether or not to hit send.
One thing to keep in mind is that texting can be a powerful tool for communication, but it’s not always the best option.
If you’re trying to have a serious conversation or address a sensitive topic, it might be better to do so in person or over the phone.
Texting can be convenient, but it can also lead to misunderstandings and miscommunications.
Another factor to consider is the nature of your relationship with the guy in question.
If you’re just starting to get to know each other, texting can be a great way to build rapport and establish a connection.
Recommended: How to Flirt With A Guy: Tips and Examples.
However, if you’re already in a relationship, it’s important to think about how your texting habits might be impacting your dynamic. Are you communicating effectively, or are you relying too heavily on texting as a crutch?
Ultimately, the decision of whether or not to text a guy comes down to your own personal goals and motivations.
If you’re hoping to start a conversation or deepen your connection, texting can be a great way to do so.
However, if you’re feeling anxious or uncertain about whether or not to reach out, it might be worth taking some time to reflect on your motivations and consider the potential consequences of your actions.
Is He Busy? If He Is, Rethink Whether You Should Text Him
One of the most common reasons why us ladies hesitate to text someone we like is the fear of being perceived as too clingy or needy.
However, it’s important to consider whether the man you want to text is busy or not. If he is, you may want to rethink whether you should text him or not.
Firstly, if you know that he’s busy with work or other commitments, it’s important to respect his space and not bombard him with messages.
Sending too many messages can come across as overwhelming and may push him away. Instead, try to be understanding and give him the time and space he needs.
(It’s hard, but if you really know you should respect that he’s busy, then you should!).
Secondly, if you’re not sure whether he’s busy or not, it’s always better to err on the side of caution and wait for a time where you know it would be more suitable.
If he’s interested in you, he’ll text you and respond to your messages when he can.
Sending multiple messages without a response can make you come across as desperate and may turn him off.
Lastly, if you’re in a situation where you need to reach out to him urgently, it’s important to be clear and concise in your message.
Avoid sending long messages that don’t get to the point. Instead, try to get to the point quickly and ask him if he’s available to talk.
Have you been initiating texts most of the time?
If you have been initiating most of the text conversations with him, then you may be wondering if you should continue doing so or wait for him to initiate.
It’s understandable to feel anxious about whether or not you should text him first, but it’s important to consider the effort you are putting into the interactions.
Are you initiating texting a lot because you’re not sure whether he’ll reach out to you if you don’t?
Worse still, are you secretly afraid that he would never initiate texting texting with you if you don’t?
Regardless of the reason, try to be honest with yourself about it. And know that honesty is ok.
See:
Initiating most of the texting conversations can come across as if you are chasing the man, which can make you look low value – even when you’re not.
On that note, there Are 7 Common Signs That A Woman is Perceived as Low Value to All Men. Do You Know What They Are & How to Avoid Them Like the Plague?
CLICK here to discover the 7 common signs that a woman is perceived as low value in the eyes of men in this special report. (Why is this important? Because men and women perceive value very differently and you don’t want to be making mistakes that would cause quality men to dismiss, abandon or alienate you.)
Now:
It’s important to remember that you want to be seen as an equal partner in the relationship, not someone who is constantly pursuing the other person.
If you have been initiating most of the conversations, it may be time to take a step back and see if he is willing to put in more effort.
If he is interested in you, he should also be willing to initiate conversations and make plans.
When you are constantly initiating conversations, it can also create an imbalance in the relationship.
You may feel like you are putting in more effort than he is, which can lead to resentment and frustration.
Sometimes we forget that a healthy relationship requires two people who are willing to initiate!
Is He an Ex?
When it comes to texting an ex, things can get complicated.
You may be feeling the urge to reach out to him, but it’s important to consider why you want to text him and what you hope to achieve.
If you’re trying to rekindle the relationship, texting him might not be the best way to go about it.
It’s important to remember why the relationship ended in the first place and whether those issues have been resolved.
Texting him out of the blue might cause confusion or even reignite old arguments.
On the other hand, if you’re looking for closure, texting him might “feel like” a good way to get some answers.
Usually it isn’t, but I’ll acknowledge that there are exceptions.
If you really must text an ex, it’s important to be clear about your intentions and not to expect too much from the conversation.
If he’s not willing to have a conversation with you, it’s best to respect his boundaries and move on.
If you’re feeling lonely or missing him, it’s important to remember that texting him won’t necessarily make those feelings go away.
It’s important to take care of yourself and find healthy ways to cope with those emotions.
Overall, when it comes to texting an ex, it’s important to consider your motivations and whether it’s worth the potential risks.
If you do decide to text him, be clear about your intentions and don’t expect too much from the conversation.
Are you exclusive with him, or is it early stages?
When it comes to texting a guy, it’s important to consider the stage of your relationship.
Have you only been on one date? Or maybe a few dates?
And have those dates been mutually satisfying and full of attraction and connection?
If you’re sure they have been, then there’s no harm in initiating a flirty or playful text.
But be sure you’re not just fantasizing – be sure that the dates were satisfying for both of you.
If you’re not entirely sure or if you’re still getting to know each other, then you might want to hold off on texting him too much.
You can try some playful banter as this typically adds value, but don’t over-text.
It’s important to give him space to pursue you and show his interest in texting you too!
On the other hand, if you’re exclusive with him, then you might feel more comfortable texting him first.
Regardless of where you’re at, one thing that will help you know what to text him is this:
Focus on building a connection through either one of these methods:
- High value banter (banter is ideal for build real emotional attraction)
- Meaningful conversations; and
- Shared experiences
If you’re not sure what to text him, then try banter. See how keen he is to banter with you, if he’s not keen (or seems to be absent and uninterested in bantering, then he could be busy, not interested, or it could actually indicate a serious red flag about him as a man.)
If you guys have been exclusive for a while, you can also consider sending him thoughtful messages that show him you care.
This could be as simple as sending him a good morning text or asking him how his day is going.
Ultimately, whether or not you should text him first depends on the stage of your relationship and your personal preferences.
Are You Responding to a Text He Just Sent?
So, you just received a text from him. You’re probably wondering if you should respond or not. Here are a couple of things to consider before hitting that send button:
- Reciprocating: If you’re interested in him and want to keep the ball rolling, then it’s important to reciprocate. Responding to his text shows that you’re interested and willing to continue the conversation. However, if you’re not interested, then there’s no need to respond. It’s better to be honest and not lead him on.
- Send Button: Before hitting that send button, make sure you’re intending to connect with him. A lot of women try to get to a serious relationship too quickly and this reduces the build up of emotional attraction and connection.
Remember, texting is just one form of communication.
If you’re not sure if you should text him or not, then maybe it’s time to have a conversation in person or over the phone.
Are You Wanting to Connect with Him or Take Something from Him?
Before you hit send on that text message to him, ask yourself: are you wanting to connect with him or take something from him?
This is an important question to consider because your intentions behind texting him can greatly affect the outcome of your relationship.
If you’re texting him just to get something from him, such as validation or attention, then you may be engaging in low value behavior (or worse, even manipulative behavior.)
This can damage your relationship in the long run because it’s not based on genuine emotional connection.
See:
You want to increase the likelihood that he’ll respond.
So the bet thing to do is to keep in mind whether you’re connecting or taking.
Texting can obviously be a powerful tool for building emotional intimacy and strengthening your relationship.
So, before you text him, ask yourself what your true intention is. Are you texting him because you genuinely want to connect with him, or are you texting him because you need something from him? If it’s the latter, then it may be best to hold off on sending that text and instead focus on building a deeper emotional connection with him.
Is there any real future for your relationship?
You’re sitting there staring at your phone, wondering should I text him?
You’re not sure if you should put your phone down and play hard to get, or if you should double-text him and risk coming off as too eager.
But before you make any moves, you need to ask yourself a crucial question: Is there any real future for your relationship?
If you’re just looking for a casual fling, then go ahead and send that text.
But if you’re looking for something more serious, then you need to be honest with yourself. Do you see a real future with this person? Or are you just wasting your time?
Here are a few things to consider:
- Do you share the same values? A successful relationship requires more than just physical attraction. You need to have shared values, goals, and interests. If you’re not on the same page, then it’s unlikely that your relationship will last.
- Are you both willing to put in the effort? Relationships take work. Are you both willing to put in the time and effort to make it work? If one person is always doing all the heavy lifting, then the relationship is likely to fail.
- Do you trust each other? Trust is another crucial component of a successful relationship. If you don’t trust each other, then you’re going to have a lot of anxiety and stress.
Before you send that text, take a moment to reflect on your relationship. Are you both on the same page? Are you both willing to put in the effort?
If the answer is no, then it’s probably best to put your phone down and move on. But if the answer is yes, then go ahead and send that text.
Are You Just Venting?
You’ve been thinking about texting him all day, but something is holding you back.
Maybe you’re feeling annoyed or frustrated with him, and you just want to vent.
Before you hit send on that text, ask yourself if you’re just venting or if you’re actually trying to start a conversation.
Venting can be a healthy way to release your emotions, but it’s important to do it in a productive way.
For example, consider whether doing it with a girlfriend or a family member might be better for your relationship. (As long as you have that kind of relationship with your friends or family that you know you can vent to them).
If you’re just sending a text to him to complain or express your frustration without any intention of resolving the issue, it’s not going to be helpful for either of you.
Instead of sending a text that just says “ugh, you’re so annoying,” try to express your feelings in a more constructive way. Use “I” statements to explain how his behavior is making you feel.
For example
“I feel frustrated when you don’t respond to my messages for hours.”
If however, he has been leading you on or has been neglecting you over text for a while, I give you permission to be more bold.
Bold in the sense that you challenge him at the same time as expressing your emotions – all the while, making yourself look high value. What is this bold statement you can make? CLICK here to discover the one thing you can say to ANY man that will capture his attention, trigger his curiosity and make him hang onto every word you say!
Do you want to ask him out on a date?
So, you’re thinking about asking him out on a date? That’s great……sort of. It depends.
…On how you do it!
Taking the initiative is a bold move, and it shows that you’re confident and interested. However, before you send that text, there are a few things you should consider.
Firstly, make sure you’re both on the same page.
If you’ve been exchanging flirty texts for a while, then there’s more of a chance that he’s interested in you too.
However, if you’ve only had a few brief conversations, then it might be too soon to ask him out.
Take some time to get to know him better, and see if there’s a connection there.
MORE: How Long Should I Wait For A Guy to Ask Me Out?
Secondly, be confident! Remember, the worst thing that can happen is that he says no.
If that’s the case, then it’s not the end of the world. There are plenty of other guys out there who would be lucky to go on a date with you.
Finally, don’t overthink it.
If you’re constantly second-guessing yourself, then you’ll never take the plunge. Trust your instincts, and go for it. Who knows, it might be the best decision you ever make.
(And yes, plenty of good looking, high value, attractive women have asked a guy out and benefitted greatly from it!)
Recommended reading: Soul Mate Vs Twin Flame Vs Karmic: Key Differences Explained.
In conclusion, asking him out on a date can be nerve-wracking, but it’s also exciting. Just make sure you’re both on the same page, be clear about your intentions, be confident, and don’t overthink it. Wishing you the best of luck!
Should I Text Him First? A Low Risk Way to Text (High Value Banter)
If you just can’t let go of your need to text him, then do it in a low-risk way. One way to do this is by using high value banter.
And all you need to send is one message.
High value banter is a playful way of communicating that creates emotional attraction.
It’s less risky than other forms of communication because it’s not serious and it is not boring.
This type of banter is based on playfulness and the intent to create emotional connection.
When you use high value banter, you’re creating an opening for good emotional connection.
It’s a way to show your personality and sense of humor, which can be attractive to the guy.
This type of communication can help to build trust and rapport, which can lead to a deeper emotional connection.
We have a free class you can take on high value banter. CLICK here to Learn Why you as a woman need to use the dark art of “High Value Banter” to quickly weed out the weak and create emotional chemistry with the “BEST of MEN”!
(…Even if no man has ever given you any love and all you’ve encountered so far are pen pals, ghosts, booty calls, and duds!)
So, should you text him first? If you’re using high value banter, the answer is yes!
It’s a low-risk way to initiate communication and create emotional attraction. Just remember to keep it playful and not take it too seriously.
In summary, if you’re wondering whether you should text him first, the answer is yes! But, make sure to use high value banter to create emotional connection and attraction. This will make it a low-risk way to initiate communication and build trust and rapport.
Frequently Asked Questions
I want to text him but I know I shouldn’t: what to do?
If you’re feeling the urge to text him but you know you shouldn’t, take a deep breath (or a few) and put your phone down.
Remember that texting him won’t necessarily make him more interested in you, and it might even push him away if you come across as too eager or desperate.
Instead of texting him, focus on yourself and your own life.
Do something that makes you happy, whether that’s spending time with friends, pursuing a hobby, or simply taking a relaxing bath.
By putting your energy into your own life, you’ll become more attractive to him and show him that you’re not just sitting around waiting for him to text you.
How often should I text him to keep him interested?
There are no hard and fast rules for how often you should text him, as it depends on the nature of your relationship with him, your texting habits and what you are texting him for.
However, a good general rule of thumb is to at least be aware enough to match his effort level towards texting.
If he’s texting you frequently and showing a lot of interest, it’s okay to respond in kind. I mean, why shouldn’t you? Especially if you’re interested!
But if he’s not putting in much effort, don’t overcompensate for his lack of interest by bombarding him with texts.
If you are able to see this guy in person, perhaps you can focus on building a connection in person and letting the connection grow that way.
How long should I wait for him to text me before giving up?
It can be frustrating when you’re waiting for him to text you back, especially if it’s early stages. And especially if you feel like you just went on a great date and would like a second date.
But try not to read too much into it. Remember that he might be busy or simply not checking his phone as frequently as you are.
Remember this:
It’s a bad idea to be double texting or triple texting if you can feel he’s not really into your conversations.
And if you have already texted him, then wait at least a day or two before following up if you haven’t heard back from him.
If he still doesn’t respond after that, it’s a good idea to read his actions for what they are: a lack of interest in responding. For whatever reason!
And that’s perfectly fine, even if you do really like him, because how much do you want to chase down a man who isn’t interested the same way you are?
Simply put, don’t keep chasing him if he’s not showing much interest.
Remember, you deserve someone who is willing to put in the effort to communicate with you.
Penny is a writer and part time dating coach. She lives in Brisbane, Queensland with the love of her life, their two daughters and their three dogs. Penny is passionate about helping women realize their high value and harness the innate feminine energy that they were born with.