Author: Varsha Asrani & Renée Shen
It’s heartbreaking when you realize that he ghosted you, and now the empty space in your heart keeps reminding you that something went amiss.
Was it you? Was it something you did? Did he just use you to fulfill his desires? Were you just his rebound?
Well, something did go wrong, and you know it inside your heart. What’s more hurtful is that your mind and heart would not leave you alone until you find the right reason for this predicament!
"When someone ghosts you, just remember that their part and chapter in your life has run its course; that is why they must leave." - Samuel Zulu.
However, I know from personal experience that this situation can easily turn into a dangerous loop of endless devastating thoughts.
And it is not easy to pinpoint what went wrong when you are brooding over the precious memories and lost desires.
To help you find out the exact reason behind him ghosting you, I have listed seven shocking but truthful points that rationalize his behavior.
Don’t get me wrong – there is nothing that can justify his behavior of playing with your feelings!
But it is important that you get closure so that you can move on with your life.
So if you keep questioning “he ghosted me - what went wrong?”, a perusal of these pointers would explain why he ghosted you.
Table of Contents
I am not trying to make you feel good here by saying that you were too good for him.
I am just trying to clarify that sometimes men come to a realization that you deserve someone better than them.
They know what they have and have not got to offer a woman, they know how their past has been and how far they are likely to go for someone.
Maybe he feels that “what he is” and “what he could stretch to become” for you would still be insufficient, and he would not be able to match what you really deserve.
He means well, at least in terms of meeting his own needs or showing you that he feels incapable of making you happy.
And by ghosting you, he is just indicating that it is time that you realize he has a kind of inferiority complex and finds you more deserving.
If you don’t like him taking such a decision on your behalf and you’re sure this IS the reason he ghosted you, it is best that you stop focusing on the anger related to thoughts like “he ghosted me! That douchebag!” and proceed to move heaven and hell to reach out and confront him.
If this is the reason he ghosted you, then the onus is on you to make him see that he is the best thing that ever happened to you, and it’s not worth throwing out something so beautiful over an assumption.
Here's a video by the wise D.Shen on 3 Obvious Reasons Women Get Ghosted By Men...
This is a kind of a spit on the face. You were always a fling for him. He never saw you as a life partner, and becoming too attached to you was never a part of his plan.
Maybe he saw that there was no way ahead in your relationship without commitment. And since he never planned to be in a committed relationship with you, he decided to ghost you.
"It’s just a matter of fact that to some people, you are nothing but another trial product to experiment on." - Samuel Zulu.
It might come to you as a shock, but it’s true that men set limits to every relationship.
They have it all planned – what type of girl would they be married to?
Who is the girlfriend type, and who must be kept in the booty-call list?
Ghosting you certainly shows that you were not on his list of people who planned his big-picture.
It would be best to let go of such a person who never cared for your feelings and disappeared without having the courtesy to be upfront.
Don’t waste another second shedding tears for such an undeserving person.
Well, it takes a bigger person to admit to doing something wrong. Almost every person would find their behavior justified.
But when you are in a relationship, it is important that there are certain boundaries that must be respected.
Maybe you are a carefree soul who knows no bounds. And ironically, this may have been one of those things that he loved about you very much.
If your guy is a nice, soft and polite person, then know one thing: it is usually the people who apper super nice who hide their darker side the most.
If he is indeed a polite guy who doesn’t like to rock the boat, then doing things that deeply hurt him might bring out his worst side - he just didn’t want to confront you about it, because, well, he’s a polite, soft and kind guy.
And humans usually have a deep need to act consistent with their identity.
In other words, he’d rather ghost you when you’ve done something unforgivable than confront you.
Did you make fun of his family?
Did you bring up any past incident to make him feel bad?
Did he find out you were flirting with someone else?
Did you mock his weaknesses?
Well, whatever you did – to him – you crossed a limit!
Sure, in relationships, you’re meant to be able to work through such conflicts. But shy people tend to punish others by distancing themselves.
The fact that your partner ghosted you shows that you did something terrible that hurt him so badly that he made a decision to break up with you abruptly.
What you need to realize is that as a woman, love tends to make you feel like you and your partner are the same people.
In other words, getting attached feels normal and natural to you - and so you get attached quickly.
Women in general have a feminine bias of early attachment, and if they don’t know how to manage this early attachment properly, then it’s easy to scare men away quickly.
Your guy has an individual personality, and he lives his life as he pleases. Of course, he might do things for you that he secretly hates doing when you are around him.
But some guys do too many things for a woman out of obligation, but this is just to make you feel good, and if the guy's only doing things out of obligation, in the end he can’t do it anymore.
This includes responding to excessive demands on your part.
When you become too clingy and do not give him breathing space, he is likely to shut you out.
He likes you, but you need to realize that he likes himself, too!
If you act selfishly and become too possessive in a way that you take away his freedom, he is sure to push you away.
No one likes to stay in a relationship that suffocates them. Love does not mean that you must become over-protective, over-attached, or over-possessive.
(Why is this important? It is because your core attachment style largely dictates and influences what happens in your relationship. Thus it’s imperative you understand your core attachment style!)
A little bit of neediness is normal. But when it goes too far, there comes a point where the cost of being with you outweighs the benefits.
I know you meant no harm.
But loving someone also means trusting them and giving them space when needed.
It might not make sense to you to give that space in the moment, but eventually your generosity in giving space will show that you are high value because you respect him enough to give him the space he needs.
You started off great. Things were romantic at the beginning. There were roses, gifts, sneaky romance, and a lot of fooling around in the initial days. And then suddenly he is gone?
It doesn’t make sense, does it? Everything was good, and there were no fights or disagreements. Then why did he leave you?
"The hardest part about being ghosted is the fact that you can’t deal with the ghost directly. You just never hear from them again, and everything feels old and incomplete." - Mallory Oberg.
Maybe, it had nothing to do with you or your relationship phase. It could be the case that his priorities changed and made him come to realize that his focus is required elsewhere.
It is quite possible that he wants to focus on his career or studies. Being in a relationship with him might have kept him distracted from those important goals in his life.
Getting a poor test score or being passed off from the promotion might be an eye-opener for him.
I know it’s hard to stomach, but in some cases, a man becomes so disheartened and depressed with his circumstances that he starts blaming everything and everyone in his life.
If his goals and aspirations are important to him, then he may connect his failure in specific aspects directly to you.
Thus, he ghosted you because he finds your relationship a distraction or even worse, a liability.
In the future, the best way to avoid this happening is to focus on building the emotional attraction and emotional connection. It is these two things that matter in a relationship - nothing else.
Without these two things, you’ll never achieve that commitment that you so deserve and need from a man. (Click to find out 12 signs of emotional attraction from a man).
Why not simply see it for what it is?
He misses your calls, answers you with one-word texts, and avoids initiating any contact with you.
So what does this look like to you?
Let me tell you what it looks like! It seems that he wants nothing more to do with you. But why, you ask?
Because he sees no future with you, and therefore he doesn’t want to invest any more in the relationship with you.
Maybe something ticked him off, or it might just be a slow accumulation of negative associations he built up in the relationship over time.
When enough negative emotions form inside of him in association with you or with your relationship together, that’s when a lot of people stop investing in the relationship.
Perhaps he doesn’t see that you two are compatible. It could be your nature being too different to his, it could be that he didn’t trust you enough, it could be that the relationship only added more stress to his already stressful life.
Whatever it was, he realized that you are not the one his heart desires!
I know it's disheartening to accept something like this. But when you know it's true, it’s important that you acknowledge it, grieve it and move on.
Ultimately, there’s nothing you can do about a person who doesn’t want to see your value, doesn’t ‘feel it’ with you, or just doesn’t have what it takes to invest in you and love you.
You just have to bear the responsibility of grieving and processing the hurt. Because the quicker you do that, the quicker you can move on naturally.
Yes, he unpleasantries. In other words, he just couldn’t bring himself to confront whatever problem it was that he had in the relationship.
Perhaps the problem wasn’t even you, maybe it was him!
But of course, maybe the love was long gone from your relationship. He could have had one foot out the door for quite a while.
Hell, he might have even given you many indirect signals that you failed to recognize, and when he had no other way of getting the message through to you, he decided to ghost you!
"Don’t walk away and cut people off cold turkey. It’s mean. If you cared at all, at any point, give them some type of closure." - Sylvester McNutt.
Many men do not want to get into an unpleasant conversation where they have to break up with someone. Such people find ghosting to be a suitable measure for pushing others away for good.
When he stops answering your calls or starts to avoid you on a regular basis, take a hint and understand that their relationship is already over.
Take note for the future - if he is afraid to have that final unpleasant conversation, you need to take the initiative and get closure.
Heartbreaks are never easy. Coming to the realization that your loved one is avoiding you may be one of the worst things one could ever go through.
I can relate to it personally and feel sorry for you too! But that is not why I wrote this article.
I came up with this piece to help you realize that there are shocking reasons behind a guy ghosting you.
Being a woman makes us more susceptible to emotional agony.
However, there is no point in beating yourself up for a relationship that is broken beyond the scope of any mends.
Get closure by grieving and coming to accept the inevitable, then move on with your life.
Ghosting might not be the most acceptable way to end a relationship at all, but the fact is that this is an unfortunate part of life.
Life doesn’t always go our way, and people do behave in such a disrespectful manner whether we like it or not.
The best one can do is to eventually come to reciprocate that gesture of ghosting by processing it emotionally so that you can then accept it and move on!
Varsha is a writer and mother of a beautiful son. She has a dual Master’s degree in Business Management (Finance & Marketing) and Career Counselling certification. Her passion for learning led her to the teaching domain, where she shares the knowledge she gained over the years through education and personal life. She teaches students of ATMC College Melbourne (as a Management Faculty).
Author For National Council for Research on Women
Editor & Author For National Council for Research on Women. Founder & Author of the Popular Women's Relationship & Dating Advice Website, The Feminine Woman.
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