Author: Stef Zisofska & Renée Shen
Do you have an unexplainable connection with someone from your past that is crippling your emotional and mental health?
Well, it may be a soul tie. We create different connections with other people throughout our lives, but sometimes, we encounter intense and strong bonds stemming from emotional understanding and closeness.
These connections of full understanding, completeness, and fulfilment are often referred to as soul ties.
Although many people connect soul ties to sexual intercourse, this is not always the case.
However, sex can surely enhance the soul tie we have with the other person, but it doesn't mean you'll have a soul tie with just any person you sleep with.
Traditional christian views (where the concept of soul ties has its origins) would beg to differ though. In christian teachings, soul ties are created when you sleep with another person.
However, since soul ties are just another way of describing a deep emotional attachment, sex doesn’t even have to be present in order for a soul tie to exist.
You could just feel an unexplainable connection with someone that feels different and more sacred or “elevated” than any other bond you’ve had before.
There are many symptoms of soul ties that you can learn about in this article, but first, let's see what the meaning behind this phrase is?
A soul tie is a strong connection you have with another person after intense emotional bonding, or after an emotional connection was formed.
It is characterised by the following common feelings and/or perceptions:
You feel like you can feel what they feel and vice versa
You feel like they know you (sometimes better than you know yourself)
You may feel like you’ve met them before, even though you haven’t
Nevertheless, we mostly run into this phrase when talking about how to break a soul tie with an ex, which again leads us to soul ties being largely affected by sex.
According to De-Andrea Blaylock-Johnson, LCSW, CST, a certified sex therapist, 'A soul tie is a connection with someone deeply embedded into your soul.'
She also adds, 'Often it's thought to happen after you have intercourse with someone,' which again leads us to the fact that the symptoms of soul ties occur after a relationship ends.
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They can when you’re with a toxic person, or when you’re toxic yourself.
Soul ties can lead to many unhealthy decisions depending on the person you're with. Due to the unbreakable bond, you can end up doing things you'd rather not if you’re single or are dating someone else.
Soul ties create dependence on the other person. Emotional, mental, and physical. So it can definitely be unhealthy.
“Negative” soul ties are characterised by you feeling a false feeling of completeness. You always feel complete with the other person, yet you entirely lose yourself and your own will.
Girl, let's be honest, if he was meant for you, he'd still be around.
When our guy leaves for good, it feels like the world's falling apart. We've all been through this, and it sucks.
However, we recover faster after some relationships than we do after a broken soul tie.
Why is that?
(Why is this important? It is because your core attachment style largely dictates and influences what happens in your relationship. Thus it’s imperative you understand your core attachment style!)
Obsession with a person can be unhealthy due to the all-consuming hold it has on you and your behaviour. And that’s true whether you are obsessed with your partner, child, food, or friend.
When you notice that your affection is turning into an obsession, that all your thoughts and feelings focus on your guy, and you're unable to do anything else in your life, then it's time to cut that tie.
Obsession comes from insecurity, and it develops into a sick kind of jealousy and a need for control.
People who have problems with obsession are more prone to developing serious addictions because they can't control their thoughts and feelings related to only one person.
So everyone around you tells you that he’s no good for you, but for some inexplicable reason, you cannot cut the velcro between yourself and him.
When this happens, it means that you are in a toxic relationship, and you must run away from it ASAP.
The worst thing is that since you have a soul tie, you may not even be aware that your relationship is toxic. To clear this up for you, here are 10 seemingly harmless signs that a relationship is toxic.
A toxic relationship means that you stay with him, although he might be abusive, violent, jealous, and obsessed.
If you feel all of these things, but you still don't leave because you believe you have no other choice, then this is an extremely toxic relationship.
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One of the most obvious symptoms of soul ties is manipulation.
When people are connected spiritually, they develop sensitivity to each other's emotions thus can sense them easily.
Although this is a beautiful thing, it can be used against you, and your man can easily manipulate your feelings in a mean way just because you two are bonded with a soul tie.
This type of soul tie needs to be broken up fast.
Soul ties are strong emotional connections mirroring each other's feelings, moods, habits, emotions, and trauma.
When in a relationship with a negative guy, you will most likely turn into him without even noticing it.
Soul ties seem unbreakable, so we tend to just go with the flow and start copying everything the other person is.
If you're dating a shady guy with toxic habits, yet you feel this unbreakable link with him, then you will most likely just copy his behaviour and show your worst self to the world.
"You could have the feeling you knew them somewhere before or, even if they've only been in your life a short while, feel as if they have always been around," Self-Care for Empaths Tanya Carroll Richardson.
This is one of the symptoms of a soul tie and why it's hard to break them.
It feels so familiar and “one of a kind'' that you will convince yourself it's true love, a perfect match or that he’s a twin flame, even while you actually can't breathe in the relationship.
Due to the fact that soul ties are deeply intense emotional bonds that don’t come along every day, they will inspire strong emotion within you.
The people you have soul ties with will provoke strong reactions in you, whether good or bad.
Start noticing if you have some unusual, amplified reactions since you have been with this person to detect if it is a soul tie you're dealing with.
So what might these amplified reactions look like?
For example, it’s easy for them to elicit joy from you, but it is just as easy for them to inspire rage within you.
If you turn into a mean beast (that you are otherwise unfamiliar with within yourself) and you cannot control it, then consider cutting the ties girl. You can't stay in a relationship that turns you into a monster, no matter how great you feel when everything is good between the two of you.
We usually meet our soul ties when we feel down, broken, and are in need of new insights or healing.
At that moment, they are our breath of fresh air, a seemingly wise guru or an answer to our prayers. They seem like they save us from misery and help us heal.
Well, sometimes it seems that way. See, the fact that your partner helped you overcome a problem in your life doesn't mean that you wouldn't have resolved it by yourself, or with someone else if it wasn't for them.
But, your soul tie guy showed up right on time, and now you think it's destiny. You can’t shake the feeling that you two were meant to be together, and that you *should* be eternally grateful for him while he acts in whatever way he wants.
Here’s what I recommend you do:
Try to remember what your emotional state was like when you first met him.
Thinking back on these things might help you break the soul tie with your ex, and here’s why:
It will make you realise that you may be infusing your own idealistic story about him with your intense feelings about him (that have no relation to the reality of how he actually is).
Since when is real love based on a need to constantly keep someone happy?
Perhaps when you feel like the only way to keep their limited affection is by seeking their approval (please them).
A healthy relationship is usually a relationship based on equality an respect. It is never only about one person being fawned over, idealised or having control over the other.
If you feel like he's forcing you to fulfil his wishes all the time, if he's insisting on always being right (and you are allowing that just because you feel that strong connection with him), then that's another symptom of an unhealthy soul tie.
The sooner you break that tie, the happier you will be.
Let’s face it:
Your soul tie feels deep and all encompassing. Due to the fact that it’s so deep and rare, it’s very hard to want to break it, even if the actual action of breaking it is simple.
This is because it is an addiction. So just like with any other addiction, you first need to acknowledge it exists.
See the soul tie as exactly what it is: an addiction. And it’s an addiction because it meets your needs so well.
So simply start by admitting to yourself and your loved ones that you are obsessed with him, or the other way around. That surely is a problem, but it can be solved.
Don't be ashamed of it, name it for what it is, and start acting on breaking it.
Once you acknowledge there is a soul tie you want to break, take action.
By action I mean, talk to someone you trust. Be open about it, find a good friend or a family member who can help you get out of the labyrinth and see the reality.
If talking to a friend is not helping, then go a step further and reach out to a professional.
If this is still not enough, go travel overseas and meet new people. Like-minded folks tend to visit the same spots.
This one is the hardest thing to do. To forgive him, but mostly to forgive yourself for getting entangled in the relationship without questioning it.
Anger keeps the soul tie alive, so once you forgive, you will feel relieved.
Here’s the truth:
You may have a deep emotional connection with him, but you don’t need him in order to be whole.
You are whole and complete as you are, and anything you feel like you’re missing, you can cultivate within yourself in time.
In traditional christian teachings, there’s the idea that when a couple get married, they create a legal soul tie (whilst those created outside of marriage aren’t legal), and officially become one.
But can you truly subscribe to the belief that you are ‘one’ with a guy who leads you deeper and deeper into toxicity?
That would be a very miserable union that only destroys your life.
It’s time to say goodbye - for your own mental and emotional health. Here’s how you do it:
A soul is the emotional and immaterial part of our beings. An intensive energy that can connect and interact with other souls.
A deep and strong emotional, mental and/or physical bond with another person.
Here are the positive signs of soul ties:
Here are the negative signs of soul ties:
Soul ties can affect both men and women.
The main danger is losing one's integrity and personality in a relationship.
Stef Z is an Ecuador based writer dedicated to community work, writing, and theater. She's dedicating most of her time helping women go through difficult breakups, domestic violence, as well learn the secret language of men.
Author For National Council for Research on Women
Author and Editor For National Council for Research on Women. Founder of The popular women's dating and relationship website, The Feminine Woman.
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