Author: Paul R. Brian
One of the most painful things that happens during a relationship is that people say what they don't want to say and do things they don't want to do.
This is especially true when it comes to breakups.
Ex-boyfriends and ex-husbands often behave in confusing and difficult-to-interpret ways that can get you wondering if they’re really missing you or just messing with you.
Here’s how to tell the definite signs your ex is waiting for you and is still in love with you.
One of the most obvious signs your ex is waiting for you is that he keeps in touch even when he doesn’t need to.
He might text out of nowhere or call for some silly, obviously made-up reason.
Men generally don't feel comfortable getting their ex's attention if they have stopped liking her completely.
So let’s be clear:
If he keeps showing up in your life, that's a definite sign that your ex still loves and misses you.
Most of the time, when an ex says he still wants to be friends, he's actually saying he's not ready to deal with the loss.
That's one of the normal things people express when they end a relationship but are still in love.
It might sound like common courtesy, but in practice, he’s trying to keep the channel open with you.
Is that a good or bad thing? It really depends on you and how you feel about him.
But if you’re over him and don’t want him around, then it can be a big mistake to accept the friendship card.
The more extreme his emotional reaction to separation, regardless of whether that reaction is love, hate, or deep sadness, the more chance he’s still very much in love.
Love and hate are two sides of the same coin. Sadly, love can quite quickly transform into hate, at least on the outside.
Anger is a complicated emotion, because it usually hides the fact that he is hurt and not ready to lose you.
If you’re looking for signs your ex is waiting for you and wants you back, look at the intensity of his emotions.
If he didn’t care, why would he be rage-posting stories on Instagram at 3 a.m. or leaving you long e-mails about how much he’s changed that are full of backhanded insults and anger?
It sounds a lot like someone who’s not over you, if you ask me.
Just remember: the opposite of love is genuine apathy and indifference.
Does he feel the need to keep talking about the reasons for the separation?
Does he send messages explaining why he broke up?
Does he keep touching the subject even when it doesn't make any sense anymore?
Does he argue about dating again or speculating about what would happen if you did?
All of this kind of behavior is one of the top classic signs your ex is waiting for you and wants you back.
It’s a heart-wrenching sign that you’re still in his head and his heart and he can’t find closure.
Does he make a point of mentioning that he's going to the gym every day?
Is he doing new activities that he knows you approve of?
He finally got an amazing job and is sticking to that cutting-edge new diet?
What are the chances, right?
Let’s face it:
If you get the feeling that your ex is showing off or even trying to make you feel like you’ve missed out…
…It’s probably because that’s exactly what he’s doing.
This is one of the top signs your ex is waiting for you.
He’s seeking your approval, admiration and, yes, attraction.
He wants you to notice that he has changed and he’s ready to offer you a whole new package.
Many modern men communicate indirectly.
One of the top ways they do this after a breakup is by venting to friends and even reaching out to your friends or relatives to pass a message onto you.
That’s why one of the top signs your ex is waiting for you and wants you back is when you start hearing about his suffering from friends and family.
How do they know, and why do they care?
Most likely a little bird whispered in their ear.
It rarely works, let’s be honest. But sometimes it’s possible that friends and family do help you two get back together because they believe in love and because they're also tired of hearing his drama!
Ain’t love grand…
Another one of the heart-wrenching signs your ex is waiting for you is that he’s still single.
He just can’t seem to meet another woman, at least not one he’s serious about.
This is a common sign that he’s hoping to get back with you and still in love with you.
He may also be so devastated at the end of the relationship that he can't imagine dating another woman.
On the flip side, if your ex suddenly becomes a ladies man after your breakup it can also be another of the top signs he wants you back.
Obviously he’s not really “waiting for you” in this case, but it isn’t always what it looks like either.
As distasteful and immoral as it may be, some men do use sex as medication.
He’s hoping that enough perfectly-shaped behinds will cure his broken heart.
But no amount of Netflix and chill is doing the trick, because he’s still in love with you.
Often, you will see your ex making some obvious attempts to make you jealous when he wants you back.
This is one of the strongest signs your ex is waiting for you.
He may start posting photos with the opposite sex on social networks like Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat etc.
Another common tactic is that he will tell your friends that he’s super happy without you and fully moving on.
OK, fine, but why make such a point of it then? If he’s so happy why does he care about bragging about it?
He’s clearly trying to make you jealous because he still wants you.
At the very least, he’s trying to get revenge, which is not what somebody who is over somebody does.
Does your ex-boyfriend like or comment on almost all of your posts?
Does he still comment and share everything you post?
All these are signs that he still has feelings for you and wants you back.
If you still like him, that can be charming. If not, it can be creepy.
Men without feelings who are truly done with a relationship cut ties and move on.
If he is still contacting your friends or family after the separation, it’s one of the top signs your ex is waiting for you and wants you back.
Why else would he be doing so?
To be nice?
It sounds a lot more like the actions of a man in love who regrets a breakup.
The way we treat a person is a mirror of how we feel about them and ourselves.
If he's trying to show you the good side of him all the time, your approval is important to him, which is a sign that he still loves you.
Has he asked if you're dating anyone? There’s not much reason for him to find out if he’s truly over you.
And if he already knows there's another man, does he keep touching on it?
I’ll be honest:
It's completely natural for him to wonder if the ex-girlfriend left him for another guy who’s “better” than him.
But to become obsessed and pushy about it is the sign of something more, and he’s definitely not over you if he’s acting in this way.
Some stereotypes exist for a reason, and one of them is drunk texting and drunk dialing.
One of the top signs your ex is waiting for you and wants you back is that he gets drunk and dials you up.
He then tells you all sorts of emotional stories or may even say he wants you back.
The next morning comes and he sends an apology text, saying it was only because he was drunk.
In vino veritas.
Does he offer to fix things, do you favors, or lend you something without you asking?
Do you think you can call your ex-boyfriend anytime and he will help you right away?
Maybe he's a good guy who cares about you, but it can also mean he misses you and wants you back.
Men's actions are far more important than what they say.
If your ex is displaying the signs above then you can be sure he still misses you and wants you back.
If he’s indifferent and has no time for you, then he’s either over you or he’s forced himself to move on.
What you do next is up to you, but remember not to take everything at face value when he promises he’s changed…
…While also remembering that sometimes giving love a second chance is worth the risk!
Paul Rowan Brian is a freelance journalist, author and writer from Canada. He's written for Ideapod, Hack Spirit and Love Connection and is focused on culture, relationships and self-development. You can follow him on Twitter @paulrbrian.
Paul R. Brian
P.S. I hope you've enjoyed this article. Here are some other articles that I think you'd really like too...
© Copyright National Council for Research on Women. All Rights Reserved