Author: Renz Alcantara
Have you just started dating a guy? Or perhaps you've been friends with this guy for sometime now and you are feeling confused about whether he’s caught feelings or just being friendly.
Men can be very hard to decode. His actions may show sweet, loving and caring gestures but his words might say otherwise.
Men have so many reasons why they tend to fight their real feelings toward a woman they like. You’d be surprised how many women are in the same situation as you are now.
So what are the signs he is fighting his feelings for you? And why is he even fighting his feelings for you? Let’s find out the little secrets that he is hiding today.
Here are 10 Secret Signs He Is Fighting His Feelings For You:
Whenever you’re hanging out together with your friends, you notice him always trying to be the best guy in the group.
He’s always trying to get your attention and impress you at every opportunity he gets.
He may not always direct his words and gazes towards you, but while he tries to make everyone laugh and listen to him, you have this feeling that all of those actions are intended for you and you alone.
If a guy likes you but is trying to hide it, he’d avoid eye contact with you a lot of the time, especially in the moments where you try to get emotionally closer to him.
Yet when he does look at you, it will feel different. See, the eyes are the window to our soul and by looking into someone’s eyes you’ll see the truth.
Oftentimes you will catch him stealing glances at you, but he will quickly shift his gaze away to hide his true feelings.
Another one of the secret signs he is fighting his feelings for you is when he goes hot and cold.
In other words, he switches from being attentive one minute to completely ignoring you the next.
That’s because there will be times where his guard is down, and in those moments, he will forget about hiding his feelings. Then he might suddenly remember to hide his feelings, so he’ll go cold again.
Those unguarded moments are one of the secret signs that he’s hiding his feelings, just before he flips the switch back and pretends you two are just close friends again.
If your guy friend likes you, he’ll protect you. Actually, he will be overprotective.
That’ll be his instinct and he won’t notice it until after the fact. He’ll be the first to reach out when you’re about to slip, he’ll be the first to run when you’re in need and he’ll defend you no matter what (even if you’re not around!)
Another classic example of how guys protect their ladies is when you two are walking and he tends to switch to the danger side or holds your elbow when needed. Ah, no need to think! If he’s doing these things, then he's definitely hiding his feelings for you.
If he looks jittery and nervous when you’re hanging out with him, then he may be hiding his feelings for you - even if there are other friends around.
This is because he wants everything to be perfect and good when you’re there. Guys are well aware that girls judge them on their skills, status and appearance.
So naturally, he would feel the pressure to impress you and look good around you.
His mind is probably running all sorts of scenarios where he can be your hero or be perceived by you as the great guy.
He’s thinking about the things he can say around you to be funny, he’s thinking what to do when you’re near, and all these things he needs to do so he’ll look like a great guy.
A word of caution:
Some guys are naturally shy and they might normally be awkward and jittery when around women, so your job is to notice whether he’s only like this around you, or whether he’s like that around all attractive women.
You assume he’s not paying much attention to you when you’re hanging out as a group, or even when you’re together alone. Then you find yourself surprised that he remembers those little things you mentioned a long time ago.
If you show surprise about him remembering these little things, he might even shrug it off and act as if it’s normal that he remembers them. But you know he doesn’t remember these little things about other girls.
What are some examples of him remembering the little things?
Men in general do not care about every little thing a woman has to say, because men like conversations that have a point to them.
Except when a guy actually likes the girl and he's interested in her, then he’ll be all ears!
You know the popular lyrics, “just call my name and I’ll be there” - this statement is not just for friends, but also for guys who try to hide their feelings toward a girl.
So if you’re wondering about the signs he is fighting his feelings for you, think about the times when you needed someone and he was just always there.
In fact, he might even be there even when you didn’t call him - he just somehow knew you needed a hand.
That’s right - men who genuinely like you will begin to pre-emptively work out when you need them!
Men are hardwired to help damsels in distress, but especially when it comes to women they care about. He will always be on the lookout for how he can be of help to you.
If that’s something that’s been happening with the two of you, then he is definitely hiding his feelings for you.
He’s trying hard to hide his feelings for you but he will have a hard time saying NO to any of your requests.
He will not be able to pass up the chance to help you out and look good in your eyes. He won’t be able to sleep at night thinking about how to solve your problems and be helpful to you.
Whether it’s a small or big favour you’re asking him, he just can’t say NO.
He won’t be able to stay away from you either.
See: No guy friend would always come through for just an ordinary girl - she has to be really special for him to do that.
You know how guys say “bros before hoes?”; well, if you put your moral correctness aside, that means that they will not drop their guy friends in favour of just ANY girl.
It costs a man a lot of energy to be there for a woman consistently. So he's not going to do it for just anybody!
What Is The One Specific Emotional Trigger Within Every Single Man in this World That Inspires Him to WANT to Commit to One Woman, Want to Take Care of Her, Worship Her and Only Her?
Do you find that he’s always looking for a chance to ask you random questions?
Well, it’s his way of knowing things about you and getting to know you better.
He’s also trying to gauge your reaction to certain things because he wants to know if you’ll be welcoming of his future suggestions or not.
He probably fears rejection, that's why he’s hiding his feelings for you and honestly, he won’t confess his love to you until he is sure he has even the slightest chance with you.
Men are like that - they are scared of losing, and they’re scared of rejection.
If he fails at winning you, or if he finds out that his feelings aren’t reciprocated, that would mess with his ego and his sense of manliness for a long time to come.
Because of this, he will want to minimize the risks he takes when it comes to asking you out or confessing his feelings for you.
It’s almost as if for men, everything is like a game or a challenge to them.
So they would rather suss out where you’re at than jump into confessing their feelings, without knowing that they have a high chance of “winning”.
Want to know a surefire sign he’s into you?
He gets jealous at the slightest sniff of you being too friendly with another guy.
The more jealous he feels, the bolder his actions will seem towards you. The thought of seeing you with another guy really bothers him and makes him act in ways he wouldn’t normally act.
What ways, you might ask?
Don’t be surprised if you see him acting more attentive to you than he was before, and don’t be surprised if he suddenly ramps up his efforts to catch your attention.
You’ll see that he makes his presence known in all of your spaces- social media, in your social circle and at your usual hang outs.
A man who is fighting his feelings for you will most likely show confusing behaviour.
It may not be conscious or deliberate on his behalf, but it's definitely designed to protect himself and maintain his masculine direction (or facade).
This is because he has internal conflict around letting go, versus giving more of himself to you.
If you’re wondering whether he is fighting his feelings for you, then be patient and never rush the guy. When you push too hard or jump the gun, you risk showing low value behaviour.
See where he is at, notice the struggles and challenges he has in his own life, and make decisions about your own steps from that place. Because you don’t want to jump the gun due to your own feelings (which may not be his feelings).
Remember that guys have to prove themselves and sometimes their feelings (or getting involved with a woman, do not help that cause).
If you’re finding it hard to stay patient, you can consider telling him you like him with these 10 high value ways.
If you’re not sure whether your guy friend has feelings for you, check these signs…
He avoids talking about other women when you’re around
His other guy friends never hit on you
You are always the first person he tells good news to
He wants to know your relationship and dating status
He asks your friends what you like in men
He takes note of things you like and dislike
When a man is secretly in love with you, you will notice this body language and gestures from him:
He would always want to sit next to you
His physical behaviour softens when you are near (ie: he becomes more gentle)
He may seem nervous when you’re around
You’ll see him light up when you’re around
He takes a deep breath when he sees you
He glances back at you after you look away (secretly or not)
His touch lingers longer than normal
He likes to touch your hair
He seems to randomly ‘show himself’ in the locations that you frequent
As for the signs a guy is jealous and likes you, remember that the intensity of his behaviour depends on the level of jealousy he has. Here are some signs to look for:
He ignores you and gives you the silent treatment
He tries to make you jealous too (when he knows you’re watching)
He went cold all of a sudden
He seems more protective of you than usual
He puffs his chest out to show his masculinity when another guy tries to pick you up or talk to you
He might even come across as rude to you
He gets clingy
He hovers around you when there are other guys nearby
Men are fairly straightforward in their day to day behaviours, but when it comes to their feelings and emotions, they can clam up and hide like scared little boys. Some reasons why guys act distant when they like you are:
He thinks you won’t be a match
He thinks he is not good enough for you
He is probably not ready for a serious relationship
He thinks you’re seeing someone
He is naturally shy
He wants to keep his options open
He is unsure of his feelings and needs time to process them
He is in another committed relationship but feels something for you
Here are some signs that he is confused about his feeling for you:
He steals glances at you when he thinks you’re not looking
He pulls away when you’re getting close
He teases you more than he teases other girls
He acts differently when you’re alone with him and when you’re in a group
He finds ways to be with you and spend time with you alone but does not call it a date
He tries to hide his jealousy when he sees you with other men
His actions do not match his words
Renz is a mother of two girls living in the Philippines. She is manager of the team at Shen Wade Media & in her spare time she loves to school her two daughters and spend time with friends.
Author For National Council for Research on Women
© Copyright National Council for Research on Women. All Rights Reserved