Author: Renz Alcantara & Renée Shen.
Have you ever liked a guy but he doesn’t seem to like you back, even after putting your best foot forward?
It could be one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to overcome.
Experiencing unrequited love can knock down even the most resilient, successful and attractive people.
“Because what’s worse than knowing you want something, besides knowing you can never have it?” - James Patterson, The Angel Experiment
Unfortunately, an experience like this might even lead to you feeling less confident and attractive.
I’ll tell you right now that it shouldn’t be the case. You’re a lovely human being and the guy you liked just didn’t have that similar attraction and that’s a very normal part of life.
Someone is out there who’s just waiting to meet you. And it would be an absolute tragedy for him if you were taken by this guy (who doesn’t even like you back, wouldn’t it?)
So remember this: when a guy doesn’t like you back, it’s not the end of the world.
Let me give you a few tips on how to get over a guy who doesn’t like you back in the most painless way possible.
Let’s get you moving forward and preparing yourself for the right guy for you!
To be fair, acceptance often only comes when you’ve already gone through the earlier stages of grief.
But it’s possible to speed it up, and I urge you to consider it, because acceptance is imperative.
Learning to accept that he doesn’t like you back is the best way to start gearing yourself up towards losing feelings for a guy that doesn’t like you back.
Accept that where this guy is at is where he’s at.
Attune yourself to that, because no amount of wishing or pining for him will change his mind.
Remember that there’s nothing wrong with you at all. There are really situations where a guy sees a girl just as a friend and cannot go beyond platonic relationships.
Not because you’re not good enough, but because even the most attractive people in the world can’t get anyone they want.
Some people just won’t listen to the song you sing, and that’s that.
Accept that you will find a better man to like and love and who will like and love you in return.
How to lose feelings for a guy?
Simply create distance, so that there’s an empty spot that you are forced to fill with something more nourishing in your life.
Seeing him will only increase your attraction towards him and remind you of what you’re missing.
Also, when you distance yourself from him and focus your attention on other things or people, you’ll soon realize that your feelings are fleeting and not serious after all.
At some point soon enough, you’ll come to learn that unrequited love cannot be sustained, because there’s nothing in it for you!
It simply wastes all your precious energy on someone who isn’t even worth it!
The distance creates room for you to focus on more important things that will serve you instead of dwelling on what is not for you.
(Why is this important? It is because your core attachment style largely dictates and influences what happens in your relationship. Thus it’s imperative you understand your core attachment style!)
I know you may not be ready for this just yet - but even if you don’t feel ready - it’s important to go through the motions just to gain some momentum in the right direction.
It’s essential in the process of how to get over a guy who doesn’t like you back.
Let the universe know that you are free and open to have a committed relationship with someone else, so that other, new men will be able to perceive in your aura that you are welcoming new connections.
But a little piece of advice? Make sure you are 100% aware of what you want in your new man (and what he will look for in a woman too), because you don’t want to attract the wrong types of men into your life.
So yes, open yourself up to possibilities of new connections, broaden your social circle and explore other potential connections.
This might also be a perfect time to go out of your comfort zone and meet new people (safely, of course given our current situation).
Why pick up a new hobby or passion?
Now that you have time to spare, you will finally have a chance to pick up a book, learn a new hobby or hone your skills in an area that is important to you.
Focus on doing things that will ignite your passion that you probably have put off for a long time.
One of the biggest trends last year was indoor gardening (or if you have an outdoor spot for a garden, it’s the most ideal!) you might want to try your hand at this. Learn different flora and how to take care of each plant.
And then there’s painting by the numbers which was also a huge hit. You basically get a painting sheet and set of colors with numbers. All you have to do is to paint over the numbers. It’s cool!
Pick up a new hobby will ease you into getting over a guy who doesn’t like you back.
Trying to get over a guy who doesn’t like you back could really lower your self esteem, I understand that.
So instead of focusing on the negative, channel your available energy and start improving other areas of your life.
There’s nothing worse than just moping around - yes, you are entitled to mope around for a time initially, because having a guy you really like not like you back really sucks.
There’s nothing wrong with grieving the loss.
But to dwell on it too long is to drain yourself of important things such as:
Endeavours such as:
And other things that nourish your feminine soul such as:
It doesn’t have to be big and drastic - rather, a simple change and improvement will do a lot in boosting your confidence and energy.
Writing in a journal is just as good as pouring all your thoughts and emotions out to a friend - but with zero risk of being judged.
Writing will help you process your emotions and it’s actually very emotionally freeing when you write your thoughts and emotions down.
Also, reading back on your journal as you progress through getting over a guy who doesn’t like you back will help you recognize important things about yourself. Things such as:
Finally, as a last piece of advice I’d tell you to keep your emotions in check.
Are you feeling bitter and frustrated again?
How do you act when you feel these emotions?
Is this the way you want to live your life? Because I can tell you that resentful and bitter people always manage to chase away anything good that comes to them.
Don’t let this minor misfortune ruin hope of a beautiful future relationship with someone you love.
Resentment and bitterness are those unfortunate emotions that feel satisfying in the moment, because it’s kind of your mind and body’s way of getting revenge for your pain.
But that’s the exact trap you don’t want to fall into.
Make sure that you’re engaging in step #6 - writing in a journal - whenever you notice bitterness and resentment coming up.
You want to watch out for these emotions, cleanse your mind and body of them and just generally nip them in the bud before they take over your life and tarnish your otherwise cheerful and positive personality.
Checking your emotions from time to time will also allow you to step back and breathe.
Know that these emotions do not serve you well and that you need to let them go.
Remind yourself that you are an awesome person, you are loved, you are beautiful and you are perfect the way you are.
Thinking of ways to help yourself know how to get over a guy who doesn’t like you back seems a bit daunting but I’m here to say that it’s doable.
It’s very hard right now, but time always moves along whether you like it or not, and in time you’ll see that you’ve done it and you’re ready to take the next steps to dating.
And hey, you learned a lesson or two in this experience! I’m sure you’ll do a lot better and forge better relationships with men in the future.
Renz is a mother of two girls living in the Philippines. She is manager of the team at Shen Wade Media & in her spare time she loves to school her two daughters and spend time with friends.
Editor & Author For National Council for Research on Women. Founder & Author of the Popular Women's Relationship & Dating Advice Website, The Feminine Woman.
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