Author: Varsha Asrani & Renée Shen
If a man really loves you he will….do what, exactly? Sure, he would have said, “I love you” numerous times, but does he really mean it, or is it just infatuation?
For a woman, it is important to decipher if her man loves her truly and is serious about their relationship. If a man says these three magical words to you without upholding any meaning to the actual feeling, it feels disappointing and heartbreaking, I’m sure you would agree.
If a man really loves you, he will leave no stones unturned to let you know about it. But when he is just playing with you, you need to know sooner rather than later so that you can roll without punches.
But, if it were that simple to determine the truth, relationships would have been pretty straightforward. But that isn’t always the case, is it?
“To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides.” – David Viscott
Now that you are really emotionally invested in this guy, you are on a quest to find out if he really loves you or not, and let me tell you - that’s a great thing. You want to know whether his love is real or not.
So here’s the good news:
Most men are somewhat naïve when it comes to expressing love, and because of this, they often demonstrate stereotypical behavior when they are in fact in love with you.
See, they are neither good at hiding their true feelings, and nor do they care about letting them stay hidden when they are truly in love. And that makes things super easy for us!
If a man really loves you, his actions will show you that love. What’s more interesting is that he would start doing some of these 17 enviable things that can help corroborate his love for you.
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You might be thinking, how did this become about him when we are talking about his feelings towards you.
Well, my dear, almost every man is the same old primitive being who is only capable of focusing on things that are important to him.
And let me suggest that for men, it is only when a special woman is in the picture that they really bother to care about going above and beyond. Especially when it comes to the areas of his life that he didn’t prioritise before he met you.
When you become an important part of his life, he will start focusing on becoming a better man for you, and his physique is where it sometimes starts.
Starting to exercise, eat well or trying to buff up muscles is a clear shout-out that he wants you to believe that he loves you and that he is all that you would ever need.
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This ties into the previous point. Like many everyday men, he may have been a careless and shabbily dressed lad before you came along - but if he is a man in love, this would no longer be the case!
You can expect to see his reformed personality reflected in his new dressing style.
Paying more attention to his dressing is just another way of showing that he wants to become more deserving of you. It also shows that internally he feels you are more than he ever expected (he actually believed that you were out of his league).
If a man really loves you, he will become more possessive towards you, because he feels he has something special that he wants to hold onto.
Some of the common behavioral changes you can expect to see are:
After saying, “I love you,” if he becomes possessive, consider it a healthy sign that he truly loves you.
When his feeling of love is strong to the extent that he plans to spend his life with you, he will start becoming more focused on his career.
This one is a bit bitter sweet for many women though, because often it means that the man pulls away to focus on his career and on becoming a better provider.
Rest assured, his desire to be a good provider is a positive thing. What woman wants an unsuccessful, lazy man?
If you have been together for a while now and he shares his future goal or plans with you, take it as a sign that you are the prime reason behind his motivation. He loves you and wants you to feel proud of where he is heading in his career.
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Think about it…if you actually mean so much to him, why would he keep you hidden from the closest people in his life?
When a man really loves a woman, he won’t be able to help but talk about you - this is because his mind and body are overtaken by love hormones like dopamine, oxytocin and vasopressin.
These are powerful hormones that change the way you behave, so when a man is in love, he will feel like you’ve hijacked his brain, and due to this, he will ensure that everyone knows that you are ‘the one.’
He will proudly introduce you to his friends and family. Don’t be surprised if they already knew about you before you met them, since your man must have been boasting about you since the day he realized he loves you!
“When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” —When Harry Met Sally
Granted, there are probably a lot of men out there who would not be able to keep his hands off you if you allowed him.
But combined with some of these other signs showing a man really loves you, physical touch is a prime example of behavior that shows he really loves you.
Plus, physical touch is actually very important to a man in a relationship. If he frequently tries to hold your hands in public places, puts hands over your shoulder, or doesn’t wait for an excuse to kiss you or hug you, you don’t need a clearer sign that he is deeply in love with you.
Most decent men don't stop trying to please their woman, even after professing their love with the three magic words.
If your lover is always innovating ways in which he can shower you with surprises, then take it as a sign that he is trying to keep you happy.
If he is actually putting in the effort to surprise you in a manner that makes you emotional, then he is a keeper. Only a man in love will actually go to the extent of doing things like this for his gal.
One thing: don’t expect this romantic surprises stage to always be intense and on the ball over a lifetime. Sometimes life stresses get in the way, or you have a family together and a man’s energy and attention are taken up elsewhere.
Instead of complaining all the time, try to be patient with him and show you still appreciate him - this will inspire him to keep being romantic with you, too.
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Acting jealous is a sort of generic thing that men retort to when they have caught feelings for you.
I am talking about healthy cute jealousy, which fades away as trust builds between you guys and he gets to know you better.
Even when you guys have been together for a few years, seeing signs of jealousy is actually good because it shows that he cares and has a healthy level of concern about losing you.
Of course a man in love would really want to make sure that the woman he loves spends most of her attention and energy on one man in her life - him.
If your attention goes elsewhere for too long, it would only be natural for him to feel jealous or at the very least - feel uncomfortable.
…Even when he has the option to enjoy his favorite sport.
Now, this one is true within reason…as your relationship becomes more established, he will of course spend time with his friends (if he has them) and on watching sport, as men often do.
However, the key here is:
Does he prioritise time with you, or does he prioritise time with his friends and sport over you?
A man in love would always prioritize his partner over other things, even when the so-called “other things” are dear to him, and this is due to an interesting thing that happens when people fall in love…
They become more selfless, and this is a very good thing.
Actually, you can test him to see if he cares, just to confirm even though you have already witnessed him choosing you over his soccer match.
“True love is putting someone else before yourself.” — Frozen
Ring him up in the middle of his favorite football game, and check if he wants to hang out with you at your home and watch “Vampire Diaries” on Netflix?
You can try to have fun with it if you know what I mean. 😉 But don’t make this a habit because you might scare him away if he feels you are manipulative.
If a man really loves you, he will trust you with his secrets. When he starts sharing even the most private things with you, understand that you have become his special someone.
Men open up only selectively, and sometimes not at all (to anyone). So when he feels safe to share his secrets with you, he is already in love with you and wants you to become a part of him and his life.
Have you ever encountered a situation where he goes out of his way to solve your problems?
A man in love will always make sure that his partner’s problems are dealt with ASAP. Even if he has to take a day off from his work or disturb his usual routine, he will spend time attending to your problems.
Because he wants to be your hero, and he doesn’t want to give another man the room to ‘jump in’ and do that for you. It’s his way of investing in you and keeping you.
If a man really loves you, he will forgive you – even when he could have easily chosen not to.
When you become an important part of his life, your flaws or mistakes would be overshadowed by his feelings of love.
“I saw that you were perfect, and so I loved you. Then I saw that you were not perfect and I loved you even more.” – Angelita Lim
However, if he is quick at finding faults in you or remains unnecessarily aloof when you do something that annoys him, he probably has not developed real feelings of love for you.
When in love, every small mistake is forgiven and forgotten…perhaps not always immediately, but always eventually.
The concept of love is more about togetherness. If he truly loves you, he would actually have fun spending money on you - or for you.
There are no doubts in his mind or any ulterior motive behind such behavior - the only purpose is to make you happy.
And when buying something for you or spending money vacationing or going on a cruise with you make him feel happy and fulfilled, he is deeply in love with you.
“Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.” —Robert A. Heinlein
Casual sex encounters are filled with lust and superficial passion; however, it lacks the element of care and connection.
When in love, men become extra caring in bed. They pretend to know everything about female orgasms, even when they do not!
If he becomes caring in bed, you can assume this reflects that your happiness is equally important to him as his own (if not more important than his own), hence he is trying to make it all more about you.
Have you ever noticed him yawning while on a phone call with you?
And when you try to convince him to sleep if he is tired, he refuses because he says he wants to be with you or talk more with you.
Well…. men wouldn’t normally do that unless they actually care about you. Let’s face it, most men don’t like just talking when there’s no actual point to the conversation, and most conversations with women have no point (at least from a man’s perspective).
So, if he talks and listens to you even after a long day, it shows that spending time with you is important to him and that he loves you truly.
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If he actually meant what he said (” I love you”), he would naturally start to be interested in how you dress - all for your sake.
Not only that, but he might even expect you to bring him into the picture while making a selection for your attires. Trust me, men don’t want to do these things, but it shows that he cares about you a lot when they want to.
If a man really loves you, he will rather emphatically post about it on social media. Well… it might not be a loud announcement if you get what I mean, but it will certainly be clear on social media that he’s with you!
He would actually take the initiative to post something on social media to show that he is very much a taken man.
Telling the world about you wouldn’t bother him, and so you can expect to see anything from changed relationship status, to ignoring messages from women wanting his attention, to a new profile picture publicizing that he is in love with you.
Once again, thinking about whether a man really loves you or not is a commendable endeavour - many women try to continue a fantasy in their mind that the man is really into them when he’s just keeping her around for fun.
As such, seeking clarity in a relationship is paramount. And when things are kind of hanging in between or when you have doubts, it is better to pursue clear answers. Men are sometimes tricky and wouldn’t always mean what they say.
Even when it comes to saying something precious like “I love you,” some men simply use these words without holding any special feelings, and it’s important to proceed with caution.
Always remember that if a man really loves you, he will never be able to hide it. You can easily identify the above changes and signs in his behavior if you look and listen closely. Best of luck!
Varsha is a writer and mother of a beautiful son. She has a dual Master’s degree in Business Management (Finance & Marketing) and Career Counselling certification. Her passion for learning led her to the teaching domain, where she shares the knowledge she gained over the years through education and personal life. She teaches students of ATMC College Melbourne (as a Management Faculty).
Author For National Council for Research on Women
Author & Editor For National Council for Research on Women. Founder of the popular women's dating & relationship advice website, The Feminine Woman.
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