Author: Matija Pinko & Renée Shen
What do guys think after you sleep with them? Men are complex creatures, and they don't always know exactly how to think or feel after you sleep with them.
Some men think that they have conquered you and now own you, while others feel like they just had a great time with a new friend.
As for what their primary thoughts are after sleeping with you, most men can’t answer those questions consciously after sleeping with you.
Which is why I’m here to help you learn the exact thoughts that are going through a guy's mind in the moments right after sex. Sounds good? Ok, let’s explore the 8 common thoughts that guys have.
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For some guys, sleeping with you is like scoring a major victory - they feel like they've won something big.
This is often due to society telling them that they need to "conquer" every woman they sleep with in order to prove their masculinity.
In other cases, men feel the need to “spread their seed” - this feeling comes intuitively, as nature made them produce plenty of sperm to offer.
Sometimes, their only goal is to ejaculate, and after having their small victory, they may feel like they conquered you.
See this as one of those uncomfortable truths that you should understand and prepare yourself for.
(From a guy's perspective, they also have to prepare themselves for all sorts of scary things that women think about them and do to them, too! So don’t worry, you are even).
Along the same lines as the previous thought, some men feel like once they have slept with you, they own you or your body.
This doesn’t have to necessarily be a bad thing as society may have you believe, because some guys can have romantic feelings and think that you’re their grand prize.
Most men feel attraction towards women they sleep with, especially if they’ve been trying to sleep with the woman for quite some time.
Don't expect there to be emotional attraction if it's just a casual hookup, but there almost always is physical attraction.
If they finally get the chance, they will feel the same way a hunter feels about their "prize" or trophy.
Now onto the third primary thought on what do guys think after you sleep with them.
Okay, let’s be honest. Most guys will wonder how many times you came.
Men feel like cumming is a way of proving that they’re sex gods and it’s the only measure that matters.
More mature guys know it’s not only about cumming and how “hard” the sex was, but it’s also about the fun you both had.
While some men can be selfish regarding foreplay or focusing on your needs, they do think that if they have satisfied you, then (in most cases) they'd like to sleep with you again.
Some guys are insecure about how many times you came and whether they showed any skills or not.
These guys may overthink during sex, which often leads to an unsatisfying night, and an awkward situation later.
Right after the “I hope she came” thought, comes the thought about you faking it.
Guys know that girls sometimes fake it to please them, and a few guys may feel insecure about this.
Our advice is that you never fake it, as you do more damage to yourself than you do to his ego.
Here’s the thing:
A man needs to learn to satisfy you and read your body. A lot of women end up in relationships where they are sexually unsatisfied because they don’t communicate with their partners.
By giving them feedback, you offer them a chance to learn to satisfy your needs and make sex better for both of you.
Most guys feel insecure if you are honest with them about not having an orgasm, while those who think they’re chads often ignore your needs.
Talk with them about foreplay, toys or roleplay. Most guys just try to come and forget that you need a little more work than that.
Again, communication with your partner is the key to a good and healthy relationship. Also remember that if it doesn’t feel good, you always have a right to stop.
Every girl encounters a guy like this at least once in her lifetime, and if you do encounter these guys, they may think you’re in love with them after your first time sleeping together.
Here, two important things in a man’s life play a vital role:
His ego will tell him that he’s the best lover in the world, even if he knows he didn’t perform well.
We all want to be good at the things we do, but for some men, the only thing they really want to be great at is sex.
After he has slept with you, he will think that you’re so full of emotions that you want to spend the rest of your life with him, the only man that really satisfied you.
The second one is about his penis: it’s the best penis you ever had. No matter if it’s smaller than your thumb or has the shape of the Eiffel tower, the one he has, it’s perfect. And you have fallen in love with it.
(Yes guys are pretty focused on their penises).
Your job now is to honour your feelings about the guy (if you have any), and think about informing him about your feelings, but not right away.
Use your feminine skills to play with him.
Try getting him to invest in you more (testing the limits with him) and make him do nice things for you, like giving you a massage or making you a cup of coffee.
If you are interested, talk with him and show him some emotions. If he’s here only for fun, or he’s a one night stand, it’s fine to be a little colder whilst also being clear about giving him a chance if you still want him to continue coming over sometimes.
You don’t always have to be the nice girl next door when sleeping with men.
In the end, it’s the women who pick the men for the night, not the other way around.
By not playing his games, or trying your hardest to make him like you, you become the one that sets the rules.
Use your emotions and playfulness to lead the game, and they will follow.
Remember, the king is the most important figure on the board, but the queen is the one who controls it.
Don’t be scared about showing your feelings, as the guys need to know what you feel after sharing your body with them.
Even if you need to cry (which might scare some guys off), that is better than feeling bad for not telling him the truth later on.
If you’re curious to know how naturally feminine you are, you can take this free quiz we have created called, “How Naturally Feminine Am I Actually?”
We all have our special move (even if we’re not consciously aware of it), and guys will ask themselves:
“How did she learn that?!”
Pro tip: never tell him how!
Your sex life before him is your private information, but expect that a man will poke around in it if he fell in love because of point #2.
You can always use your experience to your advantage and make a guy go crazy. That’s IF you want to continue sleeping with him in the future. If not, then forget about it.
If you think you don’t have enough experience and want to try something new, try it only with the guys whom you trust.
Here’s something important to remember:
Some guys like to brag to their friends about what they did with you, so try to find someone who will treat you with the respect that you deserve.
Guys will always ask themselves “where did she learn that?”
Rarely is there an exception to the rule, because when it comes to sex, men are quite jealous beings. So they will ask themselves where you learned how to have sex, especially if they aren’t as experienced as you.
If you have to pick only one thought that should be on the “what do guys think after you sleep with them” list, this would be the one.
When you sleep with a guy for the first time, you still have to establish the after sex rules.
Some guys will run away, because they already got the thing they wanted and they really don’t want to get to know you, but most will at least try small talk.
Remember: since women give men access to sex, it’s important to create your own set of rules for them beforehand. Don’t let them decide what they should do - instead, gently guide them towards what you want as a woman.
Also, if you’re at their place, the same rules apply. Don’t let a guy play you, rather teach him your rules and show him that if he wants sex, then he’s going to have to abide by these rules.
Guys learn to modulate their behaviour with you because of you! So if you want him to commit to you, it's important to focus on leading with your own femininity and vulnerability.
This is an unexpected answer to the question “what do guys think after you sleep with them”. Nonetheless, it’s an important one.
We wouldn’t really call this a primary thought (as most guys will be single when they sleep with you), so this point is more of a reality check.
There are some guys who will do anything to sleep with you - and lying about their relationship status is one of those things.
Don’t let yourself become a part of a love triangle. instead, check the situation out before you go into it.
You may need to ask him some questions beforehand - it’s your job to find out information about him, because you’re going to have to be a part of the negative consequences if there are any.
This is for your sanity and to save you heartache later on.
There’s also another layer to this last primary thought that a guy may have after sleeping with you…
And this may seem like unconventional advice, but if he’s ready to cheat with you, then he’s probably not happy in the relationship he has.
If that’s the case, don’t let the partner stop you if you really want the guy.
Is this moral? No.
Should he have taken responsibility for thinking “what if she finds out?” Yes, he should have.
There is no universal answer, but these are the most common questions guys ask themselves. The thing you should be asking yourself about, is how he answers them.
Don’t just jump into bed with him, instead try to get to know the guys beforehand.
At least a little bit, just to be sure that sleeping with him won’t backfire on you.
Nobody needs someone that will brag to all their buddies the next day, or someone who just cheated on his girlfriend (okay sometimes you just want to try something “wild”, but it still has its consequences).
There is nothing better than enjoying a fun night with somebody who doesn’t have to become your boyfriend. But if you know you’re going to want something more than just sex with him, then make sure the next question he will think after leaving your place is:
“Should we become something more?”
Here at the National Council for Research on Women, we strive to promote positive self esteem and healthy interpersonal relationships for all females. It is our goal to give women the knowledge and empowerment to make better choices in their lives.
Writer For National Council for Research on Women
Editor & Writer For National Council for Research on Women. Founder of the popular women's dating and relationship advice website, The Feminine Woman.
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