7 High Value Traits Men In Their 40s Want In A Woman

Author: Paul R. Brian

What do men want in a woman? 

Well there are certain core qualities and attractive features, for sure.  

But the truth is that what a man wants in his partner also changes with age. 

As a man matures he begins shifting his criteria and looking for something much more than surface level in a potential mate.

High value men of all ages seek certain qualities in a woman. They seek a high value woman who is an equal and a seductress who turns them on but is also a solid rock (or a safe place emotionally) for them.  

Men in their 40s want what every other man wants, they just lean towards an emphasis on the mature aspects of a woman. 

Related: 10 Telltale Signs He Is A Highly Evolved, Deeply Masculine Alpha Male.

Here’s a look at the high value traits in a woman that lead to long-term potential with a man in his 40s.

Trait #1: Authenticity And Honesty

One of the top high value traits men in their 40s want in a woman is sincerity. 

What this means is that they want a woman who means what she says and says what she means. 

A straight talker, a woman with values and a lady who doesn’t make false promises or get carried away by her impulses. 

Essentially, they are looking for a woman who knows what she wants out of life and love, and isn’t afraid to stick by it. 

Men in their 40s have usually had plenty of disappointment and heartbreak in love already. 

This time around they’re looking for a woman who is authentic and honest. 

They would rather be straightforwardly rejected than cheated on or taken for a ride. 

Recommended: 10 Agonizing Signs Show How Guys Act When They Are Hurt Emotionally.

Men in their 40s want to know that they’re devoting their time, energy and resources to a woman who:

  • Has courage 
  • Values honesty; and
  • Can be transparent about her true feelings 

It’s really that simple. 

Not to mention, a woman who is transparent about her feelings can easily inspire a deep sense of emotional commitment from men!

There’s actually ONE specific emotional trigger within every masculine man in this world that inspires him to WANT to take care of a woman for life. 

CLICK Here to Learn: What Is The One Specific Emotional Trigger Within Every Single Man in this World That Inspires Him to WANT to Commit to One Woman, Want to Take Care of Her, Worship Her and Only Her?

Trait #2: Physical Chemistry

If you’re wanting a solid answer to “what do men in their 40s want in a woman?”, physical chemistry ranks high up there. 

Now, there’s a stereotype of course that men in middle age prefer younger girls who have perfect bodies and are nice and full of energy.

There’s an element of truth to that, but there’s also a catch that’s great news for women who are a bit older and in their late 30s, 40s or 50s. 

The catch is that many young women are lacking in the kind of emotional intelligence and maturity that a middle aged man is looking for, especially in terms of a long-term relationship. 

While he may be seduced by the youthful energy and physical beauty of a young woman, he will tend to get bored quickly once they leave the bedroom. 

Thus, if you are a more mature woman who can offer the kind of physical chemistry he is looking for in addition to that intellectual and emotional bond, you win on both counts. 

A middle aged guy won’t always focus on younger ladies.  

He’ll tend to be very open to women in his own age range, as long as they’re still sexy to him and still exude a sensual, vibrant and feminine energy. 

Would you like to discover exactly how feminine you seem to men? 

Then take our specially crafted quiz; it’s quick and easy! QUIZ TIME: Are you truly living in your feminine energy? CLICK HERE to find out with my specially crafted 9 Question Quiz!

Basically, if you still have the sensual and feminine vibe, you could turn him on sexually and emotionally. 

If you turn him on, you could be 53! 

What’s important is that he feels the chemistry and isn’t dreading a human starfish sexual experience once things get intimate. 

Trait #3: The Same Core Values

Older men want somebody who shares their core values. 

What are core values exactly though?

As this article on Mental Flow describes, they are internal beliefs that dictate how life should be lived.

By the time he’s reached his 40s, a man is generally done playing games or throwing caution to the wind.  

He may find a woman attractive and enticing, but if she’s on a very different page in terms of her core values, then he’s likely to move on quite quickly.  

The thing is: it’s fine if you disagree about some issues or have different likes and dislikes, in fact every healthy couple does!

The issue comes about when your core values and what motivates you in life is fundamentally different. 

You can nurture a thriving love and relationship if you’re on different pages…

But if you’re reading from an entirely different book, it’s going to be a lot tougher. 

A common example would be if you both value having a family or both crave more independence and travel. 

On another note, are you both more workaholics who are passionate about your careers or are you looking forward to more off-time?

Different answers in this category are certainly reconcilable, but they make it a bit trickier if your priorities are very different right now in life. 

Some more examples of core values (positive or negative) are: 

  • A belief in true vulnerability versus settling for superficial lies or a facade
  • A belief in putting the family and kids first versus putting friends and career first
  • A belief in giving people the benefit of the doubt versus assuming the worst of them
  • A belief in monogamy and loyalty versus seeking an open relationship or polyamory

Recommended: 5 High Value Traits Men In Their 50s Want In A Woman.

While a younger woman might be more open to taking a chance with a guy who has different values to her, you’ll find that middle aged guys are looking more for compatibility than just raw attraction.

Trait #4: The Ability To Disagree Respectfully

I’ll tell you what men in their 40s don’t want:

They don’t want a debate partner. They don’t want somebody who gaslights them. They don’t want a hag nag who makes their life a living hell. 

The ability to disagree respectfully is key in any relationship, but it’s even more of a must-have when it comes to dating a middle aged guy. 

He’s likely to have a shorter fuse when it comes to putting up with disrespectful or overly confrontational behavior. 

Manipulation, gaslighting and aggressive arguments will turn him off faster than a vegan staring at a meat-covered pizza. 

Middle aged men are largely done with the drama. 

They aren’t necessarily oversensitive by any means. But they are more selective. 

And this can translate into quickly walking away from women who give them a real headache or call them out on every tiny mistake they make. 

Quite frankly, these women are not only toxic (and potentially abusive and/or entitled), they are low value to men! 

Older men pick up very quickly the signs that a woman will be excessively combative, manipulative, controlling or even narcissistic. 

So you want to avoid being this type of toxic woman if you want to attract a man in his 40s.

Specifically, avoid any low value traits that scream that you’re going to just be a constant take in the relationship with him.

By the way, did you know…There Are 7 Common Signs That A Woman is Perceived as Low Value to All Men. Do You Know What They Are & How to Avoid Them Like the Plague?

CLICK here to discover the 7 common signs that a woman is perceived as low value in the eyes of men in this special report. 

(Why is this important? Because men and women perceive value very differently and you don’t want to be making mistakes that would cause quality men to dismiss, abandon or alienate you.) 

Trait #5: Emotional intelligence

Middle aged men want a woman with emotional intelligence. 

What does that mean?

Well, emotional intelligence is all about understanding, respecting and navigating the emotional realities of relationships and interactions in life.  

As the Psychology Today editorial team explains: 

“Emotional intelligence refers to the ability to identify and manage one’s own emotions, as well as the emotions of others.”

It includes: 

“The ability to identify and name one’s own emotions; the ability to harness those emotions and apply them to tasks like thinking and problem solving; and the ability to manage emotions.”

In other words, men in their 40s want a woman who understands her own emotions and those of others. 

They want someone who is self-aware and is able to at least manage her reactions, instead of someone who flies off the handle every time she gets frustrated, or goes into deep depression over the slightest setback.  

Older men start to realize that time isn’t that plentiful, plus they’ve likely had their time wasted before by a woman, so they are likely to walk away from unnecessary emotional turmoil and drama.

Now, this guy in his 40s is likely no perfect specimen himself, so it’s certainly not a contest or a case of trying to be some perfectly emotionally regulated or enlightened being.  

None of us are! 

It’s simply that by this age a man wants a woman who is at the very least aware of her faults and emotional weak points rather than doubling down on them. 

Trait #6: Family Stability 

Many families have deep issues and problems, especially these days where families are fragmented (often by physical and emotional distance). 

All of us who come from families which have been marred by divorce, abuse and mistreatment or neglect know about this. 

It’s not fair to demand that your partner come from a perfect family; this is certainly a fair statement. 

At the same time, becoming involved with someone who is in a very tense or chaotic family situation or has a very demanding or negative family is difficult and stressful.  

What do men in their 40s want in a woman? They want a woman who has family stability and is living her own life to a large extent. 

This includes a woman who has good relationships with any kids she may have and at least tolerable relations with her family members such as siblings and parents.

Nobody should expect a perfect partner, but the desire to meet someone who is at least on speaking terms with their family is a common trait that men look for when they reach middle age.  

attachment style quiz

Trait #7: Trustworthiness And Dependability

What do men in their 40s want in a woman?

Most of all, they want dependability and a woman they can trust. 

This does not mean that middle aged men are looking for a welcome mat or somebody who will just always be submissive or agreeable. 

All men love a woman with spontaneity and her own personality. 

It is simply that by middle age, a man’s patience for any game playing or flaking has reached a real low. 

Too many canceled dates or mixed messages will send him running for the hills. 

He doesn’t have the interest or the energy to deal with a woman who changes her mind all the time or is noticeably undependable. 

You may have a busy life or many reasons for not being very reliable, but a man in his 40s is not likely to be overly understanding about that. 

He’ll want you to be reliably available (not all the time, just reliably), and able to show that you’re willing to commit to him too.

What About Men’s Variety of Romantic Experiences?

There are a wide variety of romantic experiences. 

There could be a man in his 40s who’s looking for a quick fling or only wants to date young women who excite him sexually even if they bore him intellectually. 

The crucial thing to keep in mind here throughout this discussion is that what you want as a woman is more important than what a man of any age wants. 

What I mean here is that while you should care and note what a man in his 40s usually wants, you should never accommodate yourself or put on a fake front to try to appeal to what someone wants. 

Even if you end up with them, you won’t be satisfied, because you can’t truly be yourself around them! 

That’s the magic of being yourself around potential romantic partners: 

Even if you’re painfully rejected, at least you’re rejected for who you really are and not loved for who you’re not or their idealized or typecast image of you. 

Here’s the thing:

If you trim yourself to fit the world, eventually there won’t be any of you left. 

On the other hand…

Case study: From icebreaker to engagement in just 8 months… Discover the exact steps Yana took and the specific banter lines she used in order to attract the man of her life online and inspired him to propose after a short 8 months. (And then married within another 2 months…)

Self-Awareness and Willingness To Add Value Is Great

Trying to make progress on who you are as a person and gain self-awareness is a wonderful pursuit, as is the desire to add real value to a man.

Here’s a video from Renée on The 3 Traits of High Value Woman (& 3 Traits to Avoid):

The key thing to understand here is that having self awareness and being a value-adding woman does not mean cutting away parts of yourself: it means building up the good that already exists. 

Instead of trying to get rid of the “bad” things about yourself, you keep improving and reinforcing the proactive and empowering aspects of yourself.  

Will this be what a man in his 40s wants in a woman? Maybe yes, maybe no.

What’s most important is that it’s true to you and leads to you being a fully integrated person who owns every square inch of your human experience.

And what about adding real value to a man? 

Adding real value is about being a high value woman as well as offering him real value, rather than always taking from him.

There are several main aspects to offering a man in his 40s real value, but it includes: 

  • Becoming a woman who doesn’t seek or crave the approval or validation of any other man no matter how genteel, cultured, handsome or attractive he might be
  • Believing that you ultimately have real value to add and that you’ll always be worthy
  • And last but not least: being able to see what this unique man desires, wants, believes in and values, and being willing to try to meet him there (rather than trying to turn him into something he is never going to be)

This is high emotional intelligence, self-respect, confidence and maturity all in one package. 

QUIZ TIME: Anxious, avoidant or secure attachment patterns? Which one do I have? CLICK HERE to find out with our specially crafted women-specific 10 Question Quiz! (Why is this important? It is because your core attachment style largely dictates and influences what happens in your relationship. Thus it’s imperative you understand your core attachment style!)

Frequently Asked Questions

Can You Really Judge What A Man’s Looking For In A Woman By His Age?

It’s common to hear the phrase that “age is just a number.” The truth is that everyone does mature at a different level and you can’t always judge what a man is looking for based on how many years he’s got under his belt. 

Nonetheless, a man in his 40s does tend to usually share a certain outlook for what he wants in a partner, which is why it’s useful for women to know what those ideal qualities are that he’s seeking.

Are Older Men Usually More Trustworthy Than Younger Men?

Older men have more experience and are generally regarded as being more trustworthy and mature than younger men. 

Is this stereotype fair? 

By and large, yes. Older men have earned their place in the world and tend to usually play less of the sexual and romantic games that younger men play. 

Is this always true? No. Is it often true? Yes.

Paul Brian
Renee Shen

Paul R. Brian

Paul Rowan Brian is a freelance journalist, author and writer from Canada. He's written for Ideapod, Hack Spirit and Love Connection and is focused on culture, relationships and self-development. You can follow him on Twitter @paulrbrian.

Renée Shen

Author & Editor For National Council for Research on Women. Founder of the popular women's dating & relationship advice website, The Feminine Woman.

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