15 Lame Signs A Married Man Is Using You

Author: Paul R. Brian & Renée Shen

Have you ever had that feeling of being used by a man?

It’s even worse if he's married.

If you have questions about a married man’s feelings for you, take a look at these warning signs. 

They will help you avoid a broken heart and motivate you to run away before it's too late!

The biggest warning signs a man is using you are usually right in front of your nose.

The problem is when we have feelings for someone, it’s all too easy to miss these alarm bells, even when they’d be obvious to an outside observer. 

If you’re dating or seeing a married man, there’s a higher chance he’s using you than just any guy - so be careful!

You really need to get clear on whether he's going to be available (and willing) to offer you any sort of commitment. 

You can find out how likely it is that he will commit with our specially crafted quiz: QUIZ TIME: Is your man serious about committing to you? CLICK HERE to find out with this specially crafted quiz!

1. He Just Calls Or Texts You At Night

The oldest trick of the scoundrel is to time his messages and calls to maximize the chances of sex. 

If you notice you've never seen him in the daytime, then either he's a vampire or he's just looking for uncommitted sex and you’re his path to finding that. 

The latter option is more likely.

If you're not sure, you can always test this by calling or texting him in the daytime and seeing if he wants to spend time together. 

It could be a suggestion that you go for lunch on his break, spend an afternoon at the mall, see a film at the movie theater or stroll in the park.

Of course he can make excuses and say his days and weekends are all booked up by work and family. 

But it’s still one of the top lame signs a married man is using you. 

Case study: Discover how Alison ended her cycle of abusive relationships by learning to quickly weed out the "wrong types of men", inspiring deep devotion from her chosen man and passing the hardest test of them all - an accidental pregnancy after a month of dating! (...All because of this one simple skill every woman should have.)

2. He Doesn’t Take You On Real Dates

Be attentive, because another of the biggest lame signs a married man is using you is when he never takes you on real dates!

This shows that he does not want to talk to you, he does not want to know more about your personality and he does not want to meet your friends. 

He just wants sex without commitment.

That's the rule: if he doesn’t ever truly ask you out, then he’s just using you for emotional and physical comfort.

Did he ever ask you out for ice cream or ask you to dinner?

Especially after the first night of sex? No?

If a man likes you, he calls you out and spends his time doing nice things with you.

That doesn't mean he’s always taking you to a five-star restaurant, but the point is he wants to spend time with you out of bed.

If he doesn't call or text you to go on real dates, you’re likely a low value woman in his mind (who lets herself be used), and just a side piece for him! 

Did you know that there are 7 Common Signs That A Woman is Perceived as Low Value to All Men. Do You Know What They Are & How to Avoid Them Like the Plague?

CLICK here to discover the 7 common signs that a woman is perceived as low value in the eyes of men in this special report. (Why is this important? Because men and women perceive value very differently and you don’t want to be making mistakes that would cause quality men to dismiss, abandon or alienate you.) 

3. His Weekends Are Always Fully Booked

Is he always busy on weekends?

Have your Friday, Saturday or Sunday all to yourself?

Of course, that's because he's busy with his wife and family. This also means that he sees you as a side piece to his regular life.

If he just wants to go out with you during the week, it's because he’s using you and he's not seeing you as a viable option for a relationship.

Of course, it's great for him from Monday to Thursday because he's not doing anything these days, but after that, he has to make himself present in his marriage and family.

If you're looking for a relationship, stay away from that guy. He's not the guy who’s going to leave his wife for you.

    4. He Rarely Replies To Your Text Messages

    Another of the disturbing and lame signs a married man is using you are when he rarely replies to your text messages. 

    Even when he writes back, it’s usually vague unless he’s asking you to meet up. 

    If you ask what he’s doing later or have something you find really funny or interesting and ask him about it, he’ll usually avoid answering. 

    It's not because his cell phone battery's dead or because he's busy working.

    The truth is, he doesn't care about you and he's just using you.

    He doesn't want to waste time talking about the show you watched last night, nor even about your annoying coworker who won't stop asking you out.

    He just wants to know when you two can have sex next time.

    If he's not willing to answer a simple message from you, then he'd better find another woman to use.

    MORE: If A Man Really Loves You, He Will Do These 17 Enviable Things.

    5. He Avoids Any Conversations About The Direction Of The Relationship

    Yes, men usually hate this conversation in general. 

    But if you have tried to talk to him several times and he is always avoiding this subject, especially after sex, then the answer is very clear: he doesn’t want one.

    He just wants to keep you around.

    Remember this: if a man wants something, he goes after it.

    If he wants to date you, he's going to make it happen.

    So if you're always asking about the direction of the relationship with him, and he avoids that subject like a shady politician at a press conference, then you know he's not interested in anything more than what's already happened between the two of you.

    If he responds with something like "I'm not sure exactly what I want," that's almost always a lie. 

    In most cases, he's just using you and trying to hold on to sex with you as much as possible.

    6. Your Friends Say He’s Bad News 

    Sometimes the best perspective is the one that comes from a source outside of your relationship (or should I say, situationship?).

    Those who care about you can often see what you’re missing.

    Your irrational love may be hiding the truth, and your friends need to be honest with you when that happens.

    If they're saying he's no good, then maybe you should listen to their advice.

    They could be seeing warning signs about how he treats you, and are secretly wondering why you're not noticing these signs yourself.

    QUIZ TIME: Do I have secure or insecure attachment patterns? CLICK HERE to find out with our specially crafted women-specific 10 Question Quiz!

    (Why is this important? It is because your core attachment style largely dictates and influences what happens in your relationship. Thus it’s imperative you understand your core attachment style!)

    7. He Doesn’t Kiss You Outside Of Bed

    Of course, he's all romantic and sexy when you two are in bed.

    But what happens when the light comes on or when you're out of bed?

    Does he kiss you lightly at least?

    Does he show any form of affection?


    If he doesn't touch you and doesn't kiss you out of bed, it's because he wants to make it clear that you’re nothing but a fling for him. 

    This behavior is unacceptable if you’re seeking a serious relationship.

    He’s using you. 

    MORE: 10 Unusual Signs He Wants A Serious Relationship With You.

    8. He Doesn’t Talk About Any Personal Subjects

    Another of the telltale lame signs a married man is using you is when he never engages in personal talk. 

    He doesn’t open up about himself, and he never asks about you.

    Does he know what you're doing in college or at work?

    Does he know that your favorite color is green? Probably not.

    Because he doesn't give a sh*t.

    He doesn't need to know these things.

    Why should he?

    You two are just sleeping together, as far as he’s concerned.

    This personal information has no use in bed unless it is sex-related to getting his rocks off or using you as an emotional outlet for his marital frustrations. 

    If he doesn't want to get to know you better, then he's not genuinely interested in dating you.

    9. He Asks You to Pay or Split The Bill

    If he's always making you pay, something very wrong is going on here.

    If you pay for him a lot and he doesn’t mind, then he really isn’t into you - or he’s super cheap and wants to use you.


    So he’s not making you pay for both of you, but he’s always splitting the bill?

    The people who split the bill every time they go out are usually just friends.

    Strictly friends…

    But even then, decent friends who want to invest in you will actually offer to treat you or foot the bill...this is true for any person who genuinely wants to invest in a relationship with you.

    Yes, it’s good if he’s eating out with you anywhere. At least he’s putting in some effort. 

    But if he’s making you go Dutch all the time, then something’s wrong. 

    In this case, he's very lucky —he doesn't have to pay for anything and still gets sex without commitment.

    Besides using you, he still doesn't pay for anything? This is the perfect woman to use, from his perspective. 

    And if it goes on long enough, it also indicates that he feels virtually zero guilt about using you!

    At least the men who use you for sex whilst paying for your food and some bills are possibly feeling some guilt, right?

    10. He Depends On You Financially

    Signs a married man is using you are often fairly obvious. 

    But you can miss them when you’re the object of the mistreatment. 

    Using you financially is a huge alarm bell. 

    Just like the previous sign, it is a warning sign if he always looks for you to buy something for him, or to help you with his financial problems.

    Short term loans? Spotting you “some cash” just “for now?”

    Sounds a lot like using you. 

    This can get especially manipulative if he starts faking having feelings for you to get more money.

    11. He's Always On His Cell When He’s With You

    When you're with him, he always seems to have to answer a call or reply to a text message.

    That's a great sign that you're not the only one.

    CLICK HERE to LEARN the One Specific Emotional Trigger Within Every Masculine Man That Inspires Him to Want to Take Care of You, Worship You and Deeply Commit to You.

    If he's interested in you, he wouldn't take the phone out of his pocket all the time, and would instead spend time alone with you.

    Instead, he is organizing his next casual sex hookup, or worried about his wife distrusting something about his current whereabouts.

    Even if it's random stuff, the fact that he's on his cell phone all the time shows total disrespect.

    12. He’s Selfish In Bed

    He doesn't care if you're happy or not in the bedroom. 

    He’s just there to get his rocks off and use you. 

    All that matters is that you make him happy.

    He never asks what you like or what you feel, and in the end, he's the one who's always satisfied.

    Don’t let a man use you like this, it means you believe you are low value, and are likely exhibiting all the signs of a low value woman!

    13. He’s A Lot Of Talk With No Action 

    Whenever you confront him about wanting something more from him, he always ends up filling you with promises that don’t come true. 

    Cue: 8 Concrete Signs He Doesn’t Want A Relationship With You.

    He may tell you that he’ll take you to travel with him on his next vacation, or how he’s going to buy you a beautiful present. 

    Then he somehow never actually does. 

    If this is happening, it’s more than clear that he's just using you.

    In the future, always approach dating with the mindset of weeding out the men with bad intent towards you. 

    On that note, beware of the future fakers out there: Future Faking: Signs And Red Flags.

    You must weed out the low value, toxic guys first. It's easy to do (especially online) if you use a strategy like high value banter.

    Guys with bad intent towards you, who just want to use you or who are just low value, will not be able to handle this type of banter (it puts them on their back foot and reveals them immediately!)

    If you'd like to try high value banter out for yourself, we have a free class on the "dark feminine art" of high value banter for you. 

    Don’t know what the dark feminine art of “High Value Banter” is? CLICK to find out. 

    14. He Says He’ll Split Up, But Never Says When

    If you're dating a married man, you've certainly heard the phrase "I'm going to split up with her to be with you."

    Then, somehow, it just never happens. 

    In fact, it never comes any closer to happening at all. That’s because it’s one of the classic signs a married man is using you. 

    It’'s more than clear that the situation is comfortable the way it is for him, and that you're being used.

    15. He Is Never Present With You On Special Days

    I know it can't be easy.

    But living on promises doesn't work.

    And even worse is to think that the person you're getting involved with isn't present on special dates like your birthday, holidays or special days. 

    He’s with his wife and family instead. 

    This is when it really sinks in how badly he’s using you. 

    So what should you do, then?

    The first thing to do is cut it off.

    Attachment style quiz

    What To Do When A Married Man Is Using You?

    There are 3 important steps to take when you discover that a married man is using you.

    Step 1: Cut Him Off

    You may not realize it right now, but this situation is extremely toxic.

    The more you tolerate this type of relationship, the more you sabotage your future success with the right man.


    Because letting yourself be used will bring your energy down, and lower your value!

    It brings your energy down because you’re attaching yourself to someone who doesn’t care.

    And it lowers your value because over time, this situation will make you believe you’re not worthy, even if you’re a very resilient person.

    If you believe you’re low value, then in the future you’ll compromise the quality of men you can attract into your life.

    Case study: From icebreaker to engagement in just 8 months… Discover the exact steps Yana took and the specific banter lines she used in order to attract the man of her life online and inspired him to propose after a short 8 months. (And then married within another 2 months…)

    Step 2: Grieve (And Be Serious About It)

    You need to grieve right now. 

    After cutting him off, of course.

    There’s no way around this. 

    Don’t expect to get over it in lightning speed, and don’t expect him to come around and treat you as his ‘one and only’ woman, because he already placed you in the ‘one of many’ category when you first started this situationship.

    (By the way, I’ve just published my brand new program titled “Becoming His One & Only!”…Click HERE to find out more details and how you can get your man to fall deeper in love with you and beg you to be his one and only)

    Step 3: Face The Facts…

    Accepting the fact that it's being used is not easy.

    It hurts your feelings and your ego.

    But once you see that he's just using you it will be easier for you to make a decision of what's best for your life.

    Be strong and try to be happy with those who deserve you. 

    If you want more support, read this article on How To Distance Yourself From A Married Man In 7 Easy Steps.

    Paul Brian
    Renee Shen

    Paul R. Brian

    Paul Rowan Brian is a freelance journalist, author and writer from Canada. He's written for Ideapod, Hack Spirit and Love Connection and is focused on culture, relationships and self-development. You can follow him on Twitter @paulrbrian.

    Renée Shen

    Author & Editor For National Council for Research on Women. Founder of the popular women's dating & relationship advice website, The Feminine Woman.

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