Author: Varsha Asrani & Renée Shen
A woman’s mind seeks confirmation of a man’s love and attachment to her almost constantly.
And so it should - men string women along all the time in long term relationships, especially if she doesn’t test his love, nor seek confirmation of his love and commitment.
Just because he has sex with you, doesn’t mean he loves you or is attached to you.
“Billions of people have had sex. I don’t know how many have actually made love.” – Sheila Way Gregoire
A guy’s behavior tells you a lot about his intentions, so let’s look at his behavior between the sheets as well as before and after.
Read these signs he is making love to you, and you will get an idea if this guy is in for a long time or just for a good time.
You can tell if a man wants to make love to you by his body language; he doesn't just leap into things and his movements won’t feel insensitive.
He is attuned to your body language and tries to read yours too.
As a consequence, you may feel like your bodies are becoming one with each other.
It's a sure sign that your partner enjoys having sex with you if he's open and communicative after making love.
The emotional connection and the dialogues on the pillow, especially after sex, are two of the most enjoyable aspects of making love.
It's a well-known misconception that men like to sleep after sex and aren't fond of pillow chat.
However, when their decreased testosterone levels return to normal, they will be filled with oxytocin and desire to bond even more with you.
Many men prefer talking to their sweetheart after sex when they are genuinely into their partner.
Topics can get quite personal and in-depth, deepening the bond you have.
It's a sign that he enjoys the intimate connection with you if he opens up and expresses his concerns, feelings, and vulnerability.
Not rushing to get into your pants is a clear sign that he wants nothing to go wrong.
If he's moving slowly, then he's enamoured with this moment and wants it to last, and it is one of the signs he is making love to you.
If a man is merely into having sex with you, he moves quickly to reach the point where he can get off.
Slowing down helps him display his emotional interest and enthusiasm for you, focusing the sex on passion rather than the pounding and instant gratification.
Looking for obvious signs he is making love to you?
Observe how much time he spends on foreplay. If he really wants to make love to you, then he wouldn’t rush to “jumping and pumping.”
“Men and women approach sex very differently. Men make love to feel loved. Women need to feel loved to make love.” – Sheila Wray Gregoire
Instead, he'll make certain you're calm, prepared, and confident.
This isn't a man who wants to jump right into the action. He enjoys courting you with his body, demonstrating the physical pleasure he can bring.
Foreplay might also help him judge your readiness before the clothing is ripped off.
Genuine and good foreplay also gives you the option of telling him to stop or giving him your consent.
Although there will be times you both prefer a quickie, any man who is making love to you will not eliminate foreplay, because he’ll care about you and also be keen to know whether you’re consenting for sure.
When a man is making love to you, he will want to consume every part of you.
He'll be engrossed in your every movement, savouring every moment. He will, however, be constantly staring into your eyes.
Prolonged eye contact would rarely be a part of casual sex encounters since it is meant to gratify one’s lust and nothing more.
A man will keep looking into your eyes during sex, observing how you enjoy his moves if he’s serious about you - this is one of the surefire signs he is making love to you.
When having casual sex, his fulfillment is all that matters to him.
Most of the time - if a guy is making love to you, he will care a lot about whether you came or not.
If he asks you post-act whether you enjoyed it thoroughly, it shows that your enjoyment is equally important to him.
If it's all about making love to you, he'll be more concerned with your happiness and your satisfaction.
“Remember, sex is like a Chinese dinner. It ain’t over ‘til you both get your cookie.” – Alex Baldwin
As soon as he knows your needs, he'll do whatever he can to meet them.
Men who get in bed to satisfy lust would put in minimal effort to make you happy.
But when a man puts his enjoyment aside to make you happy first, he is a keeper because all he wants is to make love to you.
Let’s be clear:
The position you have sex in doesn’t differentiate whether he’s making love to you a whole lot - unless he only sticks to positions that don’t encourage eye contact.
He's not making love to you if he starts with positions like doggy style, or wants you to do a reverse cowgirl or any other position that prevents eye contact early in a relationship — that can be considered just sex.
Choosing a position that helps maintain eye contact during the act is a clear sign that he wants to make love to you.
To give you a hint - missionary or cowgirl would be his choice if he wants to make love, because he understands how much closer you'll feel to him during and after the act.
Even if you change positions and he approaches you from behind, he will want to show you his love by kissing your neck or finding a way for you to stare back at him.
When looking for signs he is making love to you, you also need to look at his actions outside the bedroom, or before and after sex.
His actions will convey his love and emotional attachment to you - or not.
Whether it's giving you a tight hug, staying longer with you when you need emotional support, wiping away your tears or telling you that he loves you, a man who isn't solely interested in having sex with you would make such displays of affection during, after or even in the absence of sex.
He might be falling for you if he expresses a desire to get close to you emotionally.
“Sex is emotion in motion.” – Mae West
The way a man's eyes take in a woman's body might make her feel gorgeous. It's how he caresses her skin, almost as if he worships it.
“It is not sex that gives the pleasure, but the lover.” – Marge Piercy
For a woman to enjoy sex, it is important for her to realize that she is sexy and beautiful, and if he is making love to you, he will always make sure you feel sexy and beautiful in and outside of bed.
If it’s just sex and not lovemaking, most men wouldn’t put too much effort into making a woman feel beautiful. And if they do, it will be the bare minimum to keep her having sex with him.
If a man is making you feel beautiful all the time, then you might consider that you are with a man who feels you are the world to him.
(Why is this important? It is because your core attachment style largely dictates and influences what happens in your relationship. Thus it’s imperative you understand your core attachment style!)
A man who wants to make love to you pays close attention to you.
He listens and acts on your suggestions, whether you're chatting about your boring coworker or describing what you want in bed.
He'll ask you to be honest and open with him if he wants to make love to you, and he'll push you to do so.
He certainly wants to make love to you if he's been asking what you enjoy, listens closely, is not judging or laughing at you.
It can feel forced when a man is merely having sex with you.
Rather than letting go and enjoying the moment, he keeps to his rituals and how things should be.
When you're making love, you feel easy, flexible, and free because there's genuine passion and excitement between you.
You know you both want to be with nobody else, and as a result of that security, you revel in the beauty of the powerful feelings you have for each other.
If a man loves you, he will defend, love, and worship you in heroic ways, and you’ll feel it when you’re having sex with him too.
You're his queen, and he'll want to show you that he's deserving of your affection by being your hero.
If you trigger his hero instinct often, then his acts in the bedroom will be considerably more meaningful to you.
You might feel like he’s flying you to the top of a mountain even before you lock the door behind you for sexy times.
Instead, he encourages you to incorporate them into the lovemaking session.
Why would a man who loves you let you do this?
Because he’s in it for you and because he cares about you. When a man truly loves a woman, he really does put her satisfaction first, especially in the bedroom.
There's no reason to be embarrassed about using sex toys; they can help you have a better sex life.
So if you have them, he will let you use them.
It isn't necessary for sex to be that serious all of the time - you can have a lot of fun together and deepen your lovemaking and your connection if you let go of your inhibitions.
That’s right - if he is attached to you then he’ll be attached to you in and outside of the bedroom.
So this means that even when you cannot physically have sex with him, he will stick around and be happy to just be with you.
“The deepest moments of intimacy occur when you’re not talking.” – Patricia Love
When you're on your period, unwell, or otherwise unable to have sex, he'll still be there for you, hugging you and snuggling all night.
Physical intimacy is much more than jumping into bed. It is more about waking up next to the same person.
And if he’s consistently ok with waking up to you and only you, then you’ll know that he is here for more than just the hookups!
If a man is really making love to you, you won’t be able to help but become deeply emotional during sex.
For example, you may feel like crying out of love and joy, and you will also feel safe, like he is taking care of your vulnerability.
He will bring out the most tender parts of you during sex and he will make you want to give to him more.
When a man makes love to you, it naturally inspires you to be more giving to him in bed.
All in all, it feels like he deeply cares about you.
You know what they say, “don’t tell me, but show me!” Well, that’s how it is when you are in love.
Women need proof of that special bond, and one sure shot way to find out if you mean the world to him is in bed.
I hope that the signs mentioned in this article will help you determine if your man is making love to you or if it’s just something casual.
Truth be told, there’s nothing more important in a woman’s life than to make the right choice in a man. If you make the right choice, you’ll live a life of happiness.
If you make the wrong choice, you’re pretty much doomed to experiencing unnecessary pain for as long as you stay with him.
Varsha is a writer and mother of a beautiful son. She has a dual Master’s degree in Business Management (Finance & Marketing) and Career Counselling certification. Her passion for learning led her to the teaching domain, where she shares the knowledge she gained over the years through education and personal life. She teaches students of ATMC College Melbourne (as a Management Faculty).
Editor & Author For National Council for Research on Women. Founder & Author of the Popular Women's Relationship & Dating Advice Website, The Feminine Woman.
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