Author: Paul R. Brian
I’m going to be brutally honest here and speak my mind as a heterosexual man.
There are two basic kinds of women in this world when it comes to dating and relationships.
The kind that guys forget about soon after breaking up…
… And there’s the kind of girl guys regret losing for months, and sometimes even years, afterwards.
So, what makes the difference?
Well, it goes a lot deeper than looks, and in this article I’m going to get deep into the psychology of what makes a guy pine after the one who got away or move on easily without a second thought.
Table of Contents
The kind of girl guys regret losing is unique but not bizarre.
What I mean by this is simple:
This girl is true to who she is and she has her own passionate interests, values and life.
…But she’s not so “different” that she’s mentally unstable, strange or creepy.
Guys want a woman who is interesting, but not a woman who is so different that she’s scary or confusing.
There is a trend in self-development circles and modern society of saying that “normal is boring.”
Perhaps there’s an element of truth in that.
But it’s also true that the word normal does not mean average, at least not in its original meaning.
It actually means fitting an ideal and being an effective and well-balanced person.
Guys will regret losing you if you are:
…But not a woman who’s so strange or niche that she has trouble connecting with him or coming across as a functioning adult.
In a nutshell, guys regret losing a girl who can connect deeply with him whilst being true to her own soul and to her own values.
Women who try too hard to be worthy or “different” tend to lose touch with reality and start to become unable to connect with a man.
And a woman who is unable to connect with a man will be easily forgotten at best, or be seen as low value at worst.
It is the women who are seen by men as low value that are easily forgotten.
You may also be interested to know that there are 7 Common Signs That A Woman is Perceived as Low Value to All Men.
Do You Know What They Are & How to Avoid Them Like the Plague?
(Why is this important? Because men and women perceive value very differently and you don’t want to be making mistakes that would cause quality men to dismiss, abandon or alienate you.)
Another one of the priceless traits you want to have if you want a man to really value you and regret losing you is authenticity.
So, what does it mean to be authentic?
Well, first and foremost, it means that you’re genuine and real. That’s what the official definition is.
But we can conclude that it means you are somebody who is not a “copy” of another (or trying to be), but rather, you are true to yourself.
As the character Polonius memorably advises in Shakespeare’s Hamlet:
This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
Swap the word man for woman, and we’re right on point.
It all starts with honesty to yourself and then genuine interactions with others following from that self-honesty.
Men deeply regret losing a woman who is genuine because, quite frankly, authentic people are difficult to find.
If a guy knows that there’s more to you than just looks or brains, he’s going to feel how hard it will be to replace you.
And one of the hardest things to ever replace is sincerity.
It can’t be bought!
Men miss women who are principled and women who they know have lines they simply can’t cross.
If a guy knows that you’ll change your principles at any given time, he won’t feel too bad about losing you.
In fact, he may just break up with you to take a breather, before whining and wheedling his way back into your arms (and bed).
But if he knows you have red lines he can’t cross - and he crosses one - he’s going to feel terrible and wish he could get you back.
But he’ll have nobody but himself to blame in that case.
So why would he value you more and regret losing you more if you had red lines he can’t cross?
Because this means you’re trustworthy and have enough self respect to not give away your approval (or your “goods”) to other guys on a whim.
This knowledge that you are a woman worthy of keeping and worthy of respect all comes firstly, from your own self-respect.
A man is able to sense when a woman respects herself - or whether she is flimsy and easily gives up anything of value in exchange for:
A woman who respects herself enough not to give away her time and approval for easy attention from him (or from other guys) is valuable to men.
Her high self worth is a turn on and is deeply attractive to him, and it is deeply upsetting to him when such a woman is no longer in his life.
He will feel that failure to live up to this woman’s standards very poignantly indeed.
All that said, a man will not regret losing a woman who is prudish or who is overly critical and standoffish towards intimacy or towards him.
Confidence isn’t just a turn on for women with men. It’s also a huge aphrodisiac for us guys in a woman.
We love a confident woman who knows her own worth. We can’t get enough. At least I know I can’t…
Men love a woman who’s willing and able to admit her faults but also willing and able to admit that she’s pretty badass and capable as well.
It's wonderful when a woman knows she’s the real deal without getting high on her own supply.
There’s a subtle but massive difference between a confident woman and an arrogant woman.
A confident woman is comfortable being vulnerable, she knows she is worthy of good treatment from a guy, and she sets her boundaries and gets what’s hers…
An arrogant woman refuses to learn, dominates others and blames those around her for her failures…
If you’d like to get a deeper understanding of what high value, feminine confidence is, watch this video from David on The ONLY Thing You’ll Need To Be Confident As A Woman For The Rest Of Your Life:
Men think back and miss the kind of woman who is affectionate and loving, both physically and emotionally.
But they don’t miss the kind of woman who dotes on them or coddles them.
The difference can be easy to miss in the throes of a romantic relationship or intimate experience, but it’s vital to understand.
Affection is loving caresses and beautiful times together where a man feels his woman’s love and respect for him.
He senses that his woman is highly attracted to him and depends on him but has a sense of her own desires and emotional wellbeing as well.
Doting is where a man feels stifled by too much affection and closeness. He gets the sensation that a woman can’t live without his constant presence, or feels desperate because she has nothing else of value in her life.
If a woman dotes on him too much, he senses that her attraction to him isn’t just because of who he is and what he offers, but also because of a void she holds inside herself about her self-worth or attractiveness.
The first trait (affectionate) is attractive. The second trait (doting) is repulsive.
Interestingly, the definition of “doting” is: “extremely and uncritically fond of someone”.
When we look at the definition, it becomes clear that there’s something not quite right about a woman who dotes on her man all the time.
Well, because when a woman is so fond of a man that she can never express herself and her feelings honestly, that’s a sign of inauthenticity.
The kind of inauthenticity that indicates she is too desperate and needy of something from him.
Here’s the truth:
Men know intuitively that feminine women cannot be overly loving, approving and happy with everything he does all the time.
And if she is, that implies that she’s not real, and that he’s being “tricked” into a relationship with her.
A good, feminine woman is always capable of giving him feedback honestly, and does not fear sharing how she really feels when he hurts her or when he falls short.
Would you like to know how feminine you actually are day to day? You’re in luck, because we have a specially crafted quiz for you on that: QUIZ TIME: Are you truly living in your feminine energy? CLICK HERE to find out with my specially crafted 9 Question Quiz!
Honesty is another one of those qualities that often seems to be in short supply these days.
Men treasure it in a partner and they hate losing a partner with this trait.
Now, we talked briefly about honesty and authenticity in the previous trait of the kind of girl guys regret losing, but there are different kinds of honesty.
The kind of honesty we’re talking about in this point is a woman’s ability to see, hear, feel and communicate the truth.
It may surprise you that a lot of women struggle with this, usually due to their own fears.
Guys will regret losing a woman who tells the truth and is honest to a fault.
They think back on that honesty and curse the day that you walked out of their life, especially as they meet new disloyal, backstabbing women and gold diggers.
Men love and hold on to the kind of woman who tells the truth, whilst also respecting others when she opens her mouth.
But they do not regret losing a woman who overshares, which is a form of too much honesty.
Oversharing is extremely common in those with low self-esteem and self-worth.
It basically involves opening up about every part of your life right away in meeting a man or constantly giving your full story even when he didn’t ask.
The basic message of oversharing is this: please give me approval and validation for what I am doing or will do so that I know I’m good enough and worthy.
It’s a real turn off for any high value, masculine man.
But a woman who tells the truth and respects him with honesty, on the other hand, is a prize that any man will always regret let falling through his hands.
Closely tied to the previous point is the issue of loyalty.
There are far too many women out there in our crazy age of social media who are hypergamy addicts.
They trade men like old baseball cards and stake new territory with each selfie on the arm of a new millionaire.
It gets old fast, and it makes men see such a woman as purely arm decoration and a sexual conquest, not a serious partner.
Men will always miss and regret losing a girl with the trait of loyalty.
But they won’t care about losing a girl who is sycophantic.
(In simple terms, someone who is sycophantic means that they flatter people in a submissive way just to gain something for themselves.)
To illustrate this with a common example:
A loyal girl will make a commitment to a man and mean every word she says. He won’t feel the need to check up on her or wonder if she’s cheating or sexting other men.
But a sycophantic girl will promise a new commitment and extra level of intimacy and trust every five minutes. She’ll be so doting and loyal to the extent of over-availability and boring a man.
The first kind of woman is valued by a man and missed terribly when she’s gone.
The second kind is, sadly, taken for granted and not thought of much once she’s gone apart from perhaps guilt over not valuing her enough (notice I said guilt, not attraction).
The kind of girl guys regret losing is attractive and comfortable with her sexuality, but doesn’t sleep around.
She places importance on sex and physical attraction, but she also knows it can’t be the only core and center of a real relationship.
This is the kind of woman who a man will respect if she doesn’t want to sleep with him too soon or even believes in waiting until marriage.
She will be on another level for him.
Now, does this mean any girl who sleeps with a guy too early is “devalued” or loses his true interest?
Not at all.
A man will never fall in love with a woman romantically due to sex, but if he does start getting romantic feelings for you for real he will not lose them as a result of having sex.
In other words, women have nothing to lose relationship-wise by waiting, but going for it also will not sabotage a pairing where there is a real core of emotional attraction that goes beyond the physical which is there to start with.
If you’d like to know exactly how to ensure that a guy will always value you for a long term, committed relationship and not just sex, then you need to learn the ONE specific emotional trigger that inspires him to commit to you and you ONLY.
There will always be the one who got away.
As the country singer Jake Owen puts it in his 2011 song “The One That Got Away”:
Now, every summer that rolls around I'm looking over my shoulder
Wishing I could see her face
Wishing I could hold her
She was the one that got away
The one who wrecked my heart
I should've never let her go
I should've begged her to stay
This guy really, really wishes he hadn’t let this girl go. She was high-value. She was the kind he’ll never find again.
What he thought was a summer fling turned out to be his chance at real, meaningful love, but he didn’t appreciate that at the time and now she’s gone.
The kind of girl guys regret losing is always going to be the one who got away, she’ll always be that idealized image in their head.
She will invariably tend to be a girl with some or all of the traits I’ve listed above:
Case study: Learn how Kristin went from being completely burnt out with online dating, sick of getting ghosted and completely exhausted from giving her heart and soul with nothing in return… To having high value men begging for her attention & having the most “electric” date of her entire life. (…All by changing one simple strategy.)
When a woman walks away, a man’s feelings depend entirely on his level of attraction for her and romantic interest.
If he is in love with you and perceives you as a rare high-value woman, he will be devastated and heartbroken.
If he doesn’t have strong romantic feelings for you or perceives you as overly available and low-value, he will generally be somewhat indifferent.
This is why it’s important to make a man fall in love with you, otherwise you’ll be one of many women to him, and easy to forget.
When he is in love with you and has romantic interest in you, you’ll be his one and only - forever.
Want to know how to become any man’s one and only woman? Check out our program “Becoming His One and Only”. (The promise of this course is for you to have your chosen man fall in love with you & beg you to be his one & only by embodying these 5 feminine secrets, even if he’s been distant, avoidant, or losing interest…)
The best way to make your ex regret leaving you is to show him you have moved on with your life.
Better yet, let him come to that realization of his own accord, seeing you online and offline living your best life with friends, family and even perhaps a new partner.
We talk more about this in the article on How To Get Revenge On Your Ex Boyfriend in 5 Easy Steps (With No Repercussions).
Your ex will be full of regret when he sees that the woman he failed to treasure enough when he had her, has now truly left him behind.
A man will always regret losing a high-value woman. It’s as simple as that.
If you are a strong, feminine woman who sticks by your values and standards, a man can’t help but feel sadness and regret that things didn’t work out between you.
The best thing to do from here as a woman is to make up your mind about which type of woman you want to be, and stick to that.
Get clear on whether you want to have loose values, be disloyal and easy to forget, or whether you will be high value and hard to forget.
If you’re serious about finding the right man for you who will commit to you for life, then you’ll have to choose to be loyal and high value.
It’s easy to lose sight of these things when you’re looking for instant gratification and attention from guys, but keep your real goal in the back of your mind: you’re going to show up as the high value woman whom he will truly treasure and want to keep in his life.
Have any questions you want answered? Leave them in the comments below!
Paul R. Brian
Paul Rowan Brian is a freelance journalist, author and writer from Canada. He's written for Ideapod, Hack Spirit and Love Connection and is focused on culture, relationships and self-development. You can follow him on Twitter @paulrbrian.
Author & Editor For National Council for Research on Women. Founder of the popular women's dating & relationship advice website, The Feminine Woman.
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