Author: Martha Dugeri & Renée Shen
“When will you get a boyfriend?”
“When was the last time you dated anyone?”
“Are you ever going to get a boyfriend?”
If you’re anything like me, then your response to these questions is either a roll of the eyes or a smart comeback. I prefer both.
If there's one thing I get asked a lot, --except for my age-- it's how to get a boyfriend. And today, I am going to share with you healthy tips on how to get the love of your life.
Before we go into the nitty gritty of “how to get a boyfriend”, there are some important facts I’d like to quickly establish.
Technology hasn’t made it possible for us to download boyfriends yet. And God hasn't figured out how to make boyfriends fall like rain yet.
Therefore, “how to get a boyfriend” is a major concern for most of us. There are two common ways to get a boyfriend: find them or grab them when love sends them your way. Either way, you have to make an effort.
Desperation will make you say yes to the guy that doesn’t care about you. Desperation will encourage you to ignore red flags.
Desperation will make you settle for less, and above all, desperation makes you show up low value.
Desperation only leads to regret.
Please be patient. There’s really no rush. Take your time and get you a boyfriend that’s happy to hold that title. A boyfriend that knows he’s not doing you a favor by being your boyfriend.
A lot of women assume that just because they’ve been seeing a guy, that he considers her to be his girlfriend (and intends to commit to a relationship with her long term).
This is not true. Men can keep women around for years and sleep with them without ever falling in love with them or committing to them.
It’s a mistake to call him a boyfriend if he doesn’t acknowledge you as his girlfriend.
Don’t do it. Test him first to make sure he’s actually invested in you.
Have those uncomfortable conversations. Ensure that you're on the same page. If you’re not, keep searching please.
Below are 7 high value ways that’d show you “how to get a boyfriend”. By boyfriend, we mean a man that adores you and is happy to be yours.
If I got a dollar every time I see a photo or video of a cute couple, I'd be up there on the Forbes list with Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos.
There are cute couples on Tiktok that reinforce my belief in love. I know there are cute couples on Instagram that make you swoon and gush.
But is this enough reason for you to want a boyfriend? No. It’s not sensible to want a boyfriend just so you can take cute pictures for social media.
You need to understand why you want a boyfriend. Ask yourself why.
Do you want a boyfriend because you think he’d make you a happier person?
Do you want a boyfriend because all your friends have one?
Do you want a boyfriend to prove that you’re an attractive woman?
Find out your why and make sure it’s healthy, rather than desperate.
There’s nothing like trying to get a boyfriend because you’re desperate. Men will smell it from a mile away, because they’re sensitive to signs of low value, 'taking' behaviour.
Just like you’re sensitive to signs of a guy who is desperate to bed you (and doesn’t actually give a damn about getting to know you).
So don’t trick yourself into believing that if you have a bad reason for wanting a boyfriend, that guys won’t sense your desperation - they will.
How you feel translates to how you show up in the dating world. So we want you to have a good reason for wanting a boyfriend.
What are good reasons?
After why, the next question is what? You’ve been obsessing about how to get a boyfriend but do you even know the kind of man you want?
So, what kind of man do you want? Do you have specifications? Things that make you want to jump on a guy and keep him forever? These can be physical or nonphysical.
Get out a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle. On one side are the traits you need in a man, and on the other side are the traits you need to bring to the relationship and the man.
Get as clear on what you need to offer and how you need to show up as you are on the things that you want in your man.
Then, look out for these traits in the men that come your way. But don’t be surprised if you find love in a hopeless place like Rihanna though.
(Why is this important? It is because your core attachment style largely dictates and influences what happens in your relationship. Thus it’s imperative you understand your core attachment style!)
Let me guess. When you’re not working, you’re at home. You’re in ugly pants and an uglier big shirt, surfing the internet and stuffing your face with carbs.
You need to up your glow game and dazzle the world sweetheart. Go out. Accept those invitations you’ve been turning down.
Don’t underestimate the power of socializing. A little get together here and a little hangout there.
It’s more likely for you to get a boyfriend at a friend’s wedding than get one from your TV.
The boyfriend you’re looking for might be a cousin or a friend to one of these people.
What? What the heck is that?
It’s a game changer, that’s what it is. Especially if you’re online dating. Banter is crucial for you because it helps to weed out the duds and form deep emotional attraction with the high value guys.
High value banter is a way of embracing your inner child and bringing out your long forgotten playfulness, so that you can bring it out in men to build attraction.
Playfulness is a strong tool; maximize it. Banter will change your story.
When you master the dark feminine art of high value banter, you’ll get a boyfriend in no time. You’ll go from reading how to get a boyfriend articles to actually getting a boyfriend.
Guys love laidback and carefree women. Banter is also not just for the pleasure of guys. It helps you feel lighter and happier too.
Be the woman that understands the art of playfulness and expresses it through banter.
Banter is not even about being smart or witty. Banter is playfulness at its core.
You’d be surprised at how much banter helps in the process of getting a boyfriend. Try it and see. You’d wish you’d learnt it earlier.
CLICK here to discover why you as a woman need to use the dark art of “High Value Banter” in order to quickly weed out the wrong types of men and create emotional attraction with the "BEST of MEN"! (...Even if no man has ever given you any love and all you've encountered so far are pen pals, ghosts, booty calls, and incredible duds!)
It may feel like love is happening to everyone except you. Maybe you’re the only single one in the squad.
Everytime you think about your age and how single you are, a wave of sadness washes over you.
But heyyy, you’ll understand why it took so long when you do finally find your boyfriend, because real boyfriends aren’t made to order like Mcdonalds - it can take some time to find them.
And you’ll know he’s right and perfect for you because he’d adore you so much that you’d be grateful it didn’t work out with anyone else.
When I say your boyfriend, I mean the man custom made for you. He may not look nor be as perfect as you imagined him to be.
But he’ll love you in a way you never thought possible. He’ll do the things you never imagined anyone would do for you.
This can happen to you. This will happen to you if you show up as a high value woman. Just don’t be in a hurry. Search but be patient even in your search.
Let your boyfriend fall on you like rain.
Maybe you’re used to dating certain kinds of guys, or you have standards you’ve never compromised before.
You have a list and you want your boyfriend to check everything on that list.
Well, I have news for you: love is full of surprises. You’d be surprised to hear that the man who finally steals your heart may be nothing like the men you drool over today.
A lot of women even have an “archetype”, an exact picture of the guy they must date.
But I want you to let go of that archetype, just stop holding onto it. Because you can’t control love. Love doesn’t always come in the exact ‘package’ you think it should.
So open your mind and try out new things. Do you like men that work in the corporate world? Okay. But why don’t you go on that date with the chef and see how it goes?
You’re used to going on expensive dates where you have to dress up to the nines.
Ok. But how about you go paintballing? Or kayaking? Or plan a picnic?
Being open minded doesn’t mean you have to throw your standards away.
But it does mean that you may need to stop trying to control things and accept that love is naturally imperfect. It simply cannot fit into your pre-carved out mould that you had in your mind.
Love flows best when you’re unguarded, open minded and willing to embrace the unknown.
You can see this as meeting love where it’s at.
If you let go of the mould, if you release the perfect picture in your head of how a guy “should” look or act, you might actually find a man who completely exceeds your expectations.
A lot of the best men may not act perfectly when you first meet them - no man is James Bond right from the start.
So be open minded, just like love is.
If he’s 2 inches shorter than you imagined, but your intuition tells you he’s special and your heart tells you he’s loveable, believe it.
After all, you can’t guarantee that you’ll be a perfect girlfriend at all times, can you?
No guy wants a woman that’s always guarded and uptight. It’s very important to relax, let go of control and let life flow through you, so that you don’t embody an energy of “invulnerability”.
Being invulnerable is one very quick way to ensure that you don’t get a boyfriend. Want to know the top 3 traits that stop you from getting a boyfriend? Avoid these 3 traits.
Don’t be so caught up in trying to get a boyfriend that you forget to add value to yourself and nourish yourself.
It’s all too easy to blame men or blame external factors when you’re not getting the boyfriend you want.
But this is also the exact attitude that pushes men away. So hold yourself as a high value woman.
Here’s a few ideas that will help you achieve that:
Give your future boyfriend a lot to be proud of.
Let me be really clear here:
Online dating is a new type of game, and most women lose at it. Badly.
Online dating is a game that gives your disproportionately GREAT rewards when you approach it correctly, but it gives you hell when you approach it badly.
If you’re coming out of the online dating game saying things like:
“Online dating sucks”.
“It’s full of penpals, narcissists and duds.”
Then it’s your approach to online dating that has left you jaded, not online dating itself.
Women who approach online dating right have high value men asking them out super quickly (like in the first few conversations or less), and the quality of the men is out of this world.
Remember it’s a different game that needs a different approach. It’s very easy to fall into the trap of losing your sanity, your self esteem and your innocence when you’re uneducated about how to ‘do’ online dating.
Don’t be that woman. Because if you just ‘wing’ it at online dating, you’ll end up feeling smaller, more jaded and more guarded.
This is not good for you if you want to attract an emotionally healthy and commitment-minded man.
Here’s the bottom line:
There are lots of low quality men on online dating apps.
But there are also plenty of great men on dating apps who are genuinely looking for a relationship.
So it’s not the men on there that are bad - it’s your approach that is bad.
Most women (and to be fair, most men as well) approach online dating with boring small talk that lands them in the conversational graveyard.
They have no real understanding of the fact that online dating is a different beast altogether.
So here’s what you need to do. Your task as a woman dating online is to:
Weed out the bad quality men with high value banter. Take the free class by D.Shen on high value banter here.
Understand that most men are chatting to this many women at once, and don’t expect any different.
Have an online dating profile that actively shows your high value and stands out from the rest. Here’s the no.1 trait of dating profiles that men fall in love with.
Once you get that down pat, you’ll be wishing you did it all earlier (and trust me, you don’t want to be the woman wishing that, because most women who do wish that are already in a place where they have already wasted too much of their youth away).
While you’re learning how to get a boyfriend, learn how to be a good girlfriend.
It takes a willing boyfriend and a willing girlfriend to make a good relationship. Keeping a relationship requires different work to what you’re used to in the office or in college, and you must be ready to be vulnerable, learn, unlearn and relearn.
This is why wanting a boyfriend for the sake of posting cute couple pictures on social media is not enough.
Having a boyfriend means you now have someone you’re accountable to. You’re now responsible for someone else apart from yourself. Your decisions and actions now affect someone else.
“Am I ready to take responsibility for a man’s needs, wants and feelings?”
Because it’s a very unselfish thing to do. And if you think you’re not ready, then take this final step seriously and get ready!
Having a boyfriend makes it impossible for you to ghost everyone without an explanation. You must always communicate with him even when you don’t feel like it.
You must be willing to share your space, your time and yourself with him.
Prepare to love wholeheartedly. If the love is superficial then it’s not worth it. If you’re not ready to love another human as much as you love yourself, don’t bother to search for a boyfriend.
Meanwhile, check out the two traits of women that men routinely fall in love with.
These 7 high value steps will help you land a boyfriend quicker than you think. Not just a boyfriend but a boyfriend that’s perfect for you.
Here’s an important step I recommend you take: imagine all the ways you can bond with your future boyfriend. Think about all the things you’ll do together that will bring you mutual joy, a sense of adventure and playfulness, and above all, a feeling of warmth.
Because you want to be focused on building attraction and connection. You don’t want to focus on how your boyfriend can save you from loneliness.
Instead, you want to focus on creating experiences together with a guy that will naturally build emotional attraction and emotional connection.
Because it is these two things that men perceive the most value in. Without these two things, a guy won’t want to commit to a relationship, because it won’t offer his life any real value.
You can start writing a list of the things you’d like to do with your boyfriend. I’ll share some of mine with you to help you get started:
Love is a beautiful thing. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Go out there (apply these high value steps) and get your man.
Martha Dugeri is a medical student, part-time freelance data analyst and Creative Writer. She is currently studying to be a doctor at the University of Uyo, Nigeria.
Author and Editor For National Council for Research on Women. Founder of The popular women's dating and relationship website, The Feminine Woman.
P.S. I hope you've enjoyed this article. Here are some other articles that I think you'd really like too...
© Copyright National Council for Research on Women. All Rights Reserved